Whadda-Whadda-Whadda?

"Mom, am I getting in the Guinea Pig Magazine again?"

"Yes, dear, of course you are! Just not this next issue because we think Taj and Raj Mahal are going to be in it. But you will be again."

"Really?"

"Of course, you are so sweet and irresistable! HOW COULD YOU NOT, precious darling?"

"Because we received a coded message from the Lord of the Flies who said..."

"WHO SAID WHO WANTS FRESH CARROTS, CARROT TOPS, SPINACH, AND A LONG RUNABOUT TONIGHT IN YOUR NEW COZY-HUTS, CUDDLE-CUPS, AND FLEECEY-TUNNELS?!"

"SQUEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!"
"WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEK!"

"WE DO! WE DO!"

                                                              

the end. with a little luck.

FAME!

As heartbroken as Taj and Raj Mahal are, respectively, over yesterday's tragic events, they have BIG NEWS! THIS HERE PHOTOGRAPH gonna appear in the next issue of the international Guinea Pig Magazine. (without their sentimental captions.) FAME! Helps a cavy get over grief almost as fast as you can say: WHEEEEEEEEK! or SQUEEEEEEEEEEEE! or

"YOU CAN'T HANDLE THE TRUTH!"

LOW FLOW & NO PLACE "TO GO"

We here in the Pacific Northwest live green lives.
Lives that, unfortunately, mean low-flow ----what you see above.
VERY low flow.
After the horrific trauma of mom's consumation of The Fly We Loved, an emergency call was made to Maintenance.
Not just for our unit.
She had even broken the one downstairs open to the Public.
Two, count two. Since maintenance confiscated the
Remains of the Fly
we were not able to hold a proper service to process
the profound grief we all felt...
Mom wanted to ask the maintenance man if...
WE REQUESTED SHE NOT!
We like living here.
All we can say is that the fly took out two low-flow
(you know's) with him. He would have made a fine
soldier, that one. We  miss him.
We think he was a Special Ops Fly, since he
was training, in caffeine, on Sea, Land, and the
NEVERWORLD of mom's...you know.
A SEAL Fly. A Special Fly.
Who will always be remembered every time the
not the-brightest-bulb in the pack maintenance man
asks mom: "Did anything unusual drop in there?"
We feel relatively confident he will
NEVER ASK HER THAT AGAIN.

In the immortal words of Jack Nicholson from the film
"A Few Good Flies"

"YOU CAN'T HANDLE THE TRUTH!"

Indeed.

GUILTY!

No matter how much she soft-focuses the Face of truth, the truth is TERRIBLE and we editorially do not cover up mom's wrong-doing no matter how many soft-shuffle dances she does...we don't know what that means. It doesn't matter.

Here's what does, that her "experiment" in nonviolence towards flies has ended tragically...
SHE ATE ONE WHOLE FOR BREAKFAST THIS MORNING! YUP!

"In my defense - "

"YOU HAVE NO DEFENSE, MOM, AND A MILLION NEW CUDDLE CUPS AIN'T GONNA COVER UP THE TRUTH OF WHAT YOU DID! SHAME ON YOU!"

"YumYum, if put into context - "

"SHAME ON YOU!"

"Would you at least explain what happened and how it happened?"

"FINE! So, mom got up and made coffee: SHAME ON YOU!"

"Can we move this along, YumYum? I drink coffee every day, shade-grown, bird-friendly, free-trade,
organic..."

"FINE, mom, whatEVER! So, mom makes her coffee then does something, who knows what...then goes back into the kitchen she has been allowing the flies to in live rent-free, although, admittedly there are fewer than last summer...she checks the surface of the coffee, because they are also Pacific Northwest flies, so they seem to go more for java than anything else - "

"And I did NOT SEE ONE FLY, YumYum - "

"Right, she did not see one fly. BUT SHE DRANK ONE WHOLE! SHE SWALLOWED A WHOLE FLY! ATE AND DRANK A FORMERLY LIVING, BREATHING CHILD OF GOD:
WHOLE!"

"I didn't know it was in there, YumYum - they ususually float on the top and I can save most of them from drowning...how many happily caffeinated flies have I saved from drowning in JavaBliss?"

"GUILTY OF FLY CONSUMATION! SHAME ON YOU, MOM,
SHAME ON YOU!"

"The only thing I am guilty of is after realizing I had just swallowed something, and we still don't KNOW exactly WHAT...is exclaiming 'UH-OH, OH-NO I DIDN-T! NO! NO! NO!' out loud."

"And yet you did so now we and the whole world knows! You had a fly for breakfast, mom. You have a fly carcass in you, in the belly of the beast!
THAT JUST NASTY!"

"YumYum, I drank the coffee to help the migraine so I can go to the Big Farm Store and get everything I need to do a deep-clean of all your cages today so you can all have and enjoy your new cuddle cups, huts, tunnels..."

"Really?"

"Yes. And my head, my aching head. But do I let that stop me? NO!"

"Carry on, then. Justice has been served."

YumYum OUT!

Happy Mr. MacNutPie

Who's a happy pig? I a happy pig! Finally, CoconutPie gonna get her custom "hut" and she gonna quit stealing my cuddle cup big enough even for the Mighty Mac, that's right, y'all, I is the Mighty-Mac: just look at me! Am I beautiful or what? Happy, content, so full even left a morsel for a lil'snack later while I just chillax and feel the happiness that comes from being ME! And no more losing my cuddle cup to that little flirt who takes what she wants, just makes sure nobody sees her, so her reputation as a "kind, gentlePiggie" remains intact.

Mom seen her, though! That why she got Coco her own NutHut! Yeah, the "NutHut" gonna be a load o'worry off me...and my dear Coco gonna love it!

It cold, wet, dark, grey, and gloomy outside but in here, THE MAC RULES! We is all happy pigs now!

SQUEEEEEEEE, HAPPY ME!

love,
The Mac

SQUEE-PA-LOOZA!

THANK YOU, GENEROUS DONOR &
THANK YOU, JEN FOR THE ADORABLE
HUT YOU DONATED AND SEEMS LIKE
AN EXTRA PAD GOT THROWN IN ALONG
WITH A TINY EGGPLANT (FROM YOUR
GARDEN?) THE SIZE OF A DIME! TOO
CUTE!
OUR GOODIES CAME! OUR GOODIES CAME!

Mom not feeling well but made it to the Post Office to see if OUR GOODIES CAME AND
OUR GOODIES CAME with lots of extra pads so if we wee or poo (US? NEVAH!) she can
switch it out with a new, dry one while she washes the dirty one (MOM? LAUNDRY? NEVAH!)

She was so excited that she actually opened the box at the Farm Store that "gifts" us
to her & then they got so excited they pulled everything out and began fondling our
stuff,  ooohing and ahhing and not way eager to put anything BACK.

Then they sez "we could SELL these here!" but what they was really thinking was "We could
TAKE THEM here and KEEP THEM here and NEVER LET THEM GO anywhere" so mom
thanked them for "sharing" (and the free food they donate for Calvin!) then off she went to
buy us fresh, organic goodies and kind up bulk up since she pretty sick and know she may
not be shopping for a few days...

Once she feel betta, we gonna set up our Runabout for a photo-shoot and can't wait! Meanwhile,
THE BIG QUESTION is the equal distribution of goods amongst herd members so some guineas
don't "borrow" things they never return...

LIKE CALVIN TAKING MY TUNNEL! ME WANTS IT BACK, IT MINE, ALL MINE, NOW HE
GET THE NEW ONE AND I GETZ MY TUNNEL BACK...CALVIN ALWAYS GETS HIS WAY,
DON'T THINK WE DON'T NOTICE! Just cuz he ain't got real bones. Well, mine is spondyankled!
That oughta count for somethin! SpondyAnkled...yeah, mebbe I should get more than one o'these...

YumYum goin' AFTER GOOD STUFF! LATER!

FOR ALL THE GENEROSITY WE HAVE BEEN SHOWN: MANY GRACIOUS THANKS!

WINTER WARM-UP

Our plush, new Cuddle-Cups haven't arrived yet and it's cold, so think I just gonna cuddle my brother...
Raj, you don't mind, do you?

Thank you for asking, and yes, I do mind. Go'way!

On the other hand, it is kinda cold...hmmm.

Maybe try "cuddling" and see if it warms my cockles.
"Mom! What are cockles?"
"Mom?"...guess I just gotta find out for m'self.

On second thought...mebbe I doesn't really need to know...

Why it so cold tonight? Raj, I gonna warm m'self on ya again...it's freezing. Lucky you are so warm!

Taj, our new cuddle cups and plush, warm huts are gonna arrive soon enough...so knock off the "cuddling" and just DEAL WID IT!

And so, Princely Raj and Chocolaty Taj Mahal agree to stop "cockling for warmth" and just bundle up together in the Pigloo until their new gifts arrive.
Mom will give them extra hay tonight, fo'sho!
And we all know how nice brothers are about sharing.
Unless we have been reading this blog for more than one post...SHARING/~! WAAAH! THAT SO FUNNY!


The End.

We Lost Mom, or The Case of Spontaneous Combustion

Mom was under a lot of pressure because she only had ONE ENTIRE MONTH to prepare for last night.

This not a pretty sight, we sorry we showin' it to ya.

But we gotta find mom, doesn't see her anywhere!

(Some peeple doesn't know the difference between "one month" and "one day." Mom one o'dem!) Says wid brain injury time don't make no sense. We shall not comment further upon the advice of our attorneys and the fact our new cuddle-cups and huts hasn't arrived and we really wants 'em! Please do not pity us or she'll show up
singing "Don't Cry For Me, Argentina." Thank you.

Hmm, hasn't had any fruit! That a clue.
(A clue that WE should eat it!? Heh-Heh.)

This how mom gotta dress h'self sometime when her brain ain't workin' and, as you can see from her artistic "organizational abilities"...but she usually put clothes ON before leaving. Dis NOT A GOOD SIGN.
Either she left...ummm, how do we put this delicately?
There is no way and we still wants our cuddle cups, so shall leave that to your imagination.
OR...
SHE SPONTANEOUSLY COMBUSTED?!
We have heard in legends...but knowing mom, she left WITHOUT getting...
well, YOU KNOW.
(seriously...she has...Oops, no, we really want our new cuddle cups!)
We'll keep you in the loop. If we find the loop under this mortifying mess. Even sweet, furry rodents keep house betta than this. Seriously...
(O.K. you can pity us, just silently, thank you.)

For A Small Retainer Fee...

Sad, but true! MacNutPie and Raj Mahal have retained the services of Crane, Poole, and Schmitdt in advance of the arrival of our new cuddle cups, tunnels, and huts. Can you believe that?

Why? Because certain piggies share a reputation for stealing all the newest, all the best, and simply all the Whatever from their submissive, peace-loving, affection-giving cage-mates!

It was my idea to LITIGATE!
It was my idea to retain legal counsel BEFORE the arrival of OprahPiggie's "Favorite Things" to protect the innocent.

And, should these new, best of the Best items need to go into "protective custody" (as I am hoping they will) WOW!
YUM-YUM GETZ IT ALL,  ALL OF IT, DID YOU HEAR THAT,
IT WILL ALL BE mine, ALL mine, NOBODY'S BUT MINE!

(If it please the court, of course.

NO, MAKE THAT especially if it don't please the court!)

Yeah, baby, YUM-YUM RULES...
"MOM, WHAT A GAVEL?
ME WANTz one of them, TOO!"

Unless...of course... some of what we are getting already is mine...
(OOPSIE, think the tunnel might be...uh...never mind.)


Mom, why did you just put on George Harrison singing: "My, Me, Mine?"
You don't usually play rock music at night...You know we prefer Enya
at dusk...hmmm. Whatever.

Sincerely,
Your friend,
YumYum
Public Pig Defender!
Senior Partner

The 7 Billionth Person - The Daily Show with Jon Stewart - 10/31/11 - Video Clip | Comedy Central

The 7 Billionth Person - The Daily Show with Jon Stewart - 10/31/11 - Video Clip | Comedy Central

^^^

Jon speaks for all of us here!

S.A.V.E. U.S.

PLEASE BE THE MESSIAH,

OR OBI WAN KENOBI

OR...OR...

OH BLOODY HORK, WE GOT NOTHING.

just, help us please.

Sincerely,
YumYum and the 99%

"Mom, what that mean, 99%?"

HALLOWEEN NEVER WENT AWAY!

WHY ARE WE STILL STARTLED? (Besides the bone-chilling, freakin-freezing temps and snow on high?)
READ THE NEXT POST TO SEE WHY! THINGS HERE ARE NOT WHAT THEY SHOULD BE!
(Mainly because it isn't raining...)
READ ON, Journeying Boys & Girls, READ ON!

HAPPY PIG-O-WEEN2!

South Park - Pandemic 2: The Startling Fan Trailer - YouTube

^^^WITNESS THEIR  TERRIFYING POWER!

WE WERE TOO STARTLED TO POST THIS ON HALLOWEEN

BECAUSE IT'S...TOO...

STARTLING!

Watch and be afraid, be
 VERY, VERY AFRAID!
GUINEASAURS...? YOU ASK?
YES, REAL, LIVE "SOUTH PARK" 
GUINEASAURS!


muah-ha-Haaaaa...MuAH-HA-HAAA!
muah-ha-Haaaah-HAAAAAAAA!


(From the brilliant, twisted minds of
those who brought the 9 Tony award-winning - you can't get tickets to THIS- "The Book of Mormon" to Broadway,
Trey Parker and Matt Stone. 
"God's Favorite Musical!")