Nothing Good Can Come From This...

"Psssst! Taj, is it safe to come out?"
"She gonna get ya one way or the other, so you may as well.
Or, better yet, stay in the pigloo; more hay for me."
"No, seriously, is she around?"
"She's lying down. But it's only to gain the strength and
energy for the You Know What!"
"This is all YumYum's fault, y'know, him and his stupis
anal impactions...always had 'em, why can't she just take
him to the vet like she always does?
"Ain't got the energy, this gonna be a genuine DIY project..."
"We are in SO MUCH TROUBLE NOW!"
"Ya think? It's gonna be nasty. Worse than what she got
growing in that fridge! Even all those flies can smell it...
hasn't emptied the thing in how many days?"
"You're in denial, Taj, this isn't about the fridge. This is
all the Internet's fault, that she thinks she gonna be able to
Do This Herself!"
"Ain't gonna let her, that's all."
"How you gonna stop her?"
"I dunno yet, thinkin' about it, though, gonna find a way."
"Until you do I goin' back in. Lemme know when she AWAKENS."
"No worries, it'll be awhile."
"YumYum gonna get it now, gonna get it bad, real bad, he know yet?"
"Nope."
"Good."
"Yup."
"Nothing good can come from a Do It Yourself Fecal Impaction Procedure
at home with warm water and mineral oil, she don't even know the difference
between our...y'know...and our...y'know."
"Nope, she don't."
"She gonna find out real fast, though, don't ya think?"
"Yup! REAL FAST! YumYum loves her like crazy, but he ain't goin' for a home
fecal impaction oil & lube, know that f'sure!"
"Yeah, think he'll bite her?"
"Dunno, that was an accident. He was gunnin' for Bear the Beaver Pig and she
stuck her hand between them and got it! But he didn't mean to bite her."
"What you think he gonna do?"
"Dunno, depends...ain't gonna be nice, ain't gonna smell nice, ain't nothing nice
gonna come of it, especially cuz she read she needs to keep all our bums clean and
free of poo pieces, hay, litter, and stuff...with warm water and mineral oil and -
sigh...we is in big trouble."
"Roger that, big, smelly, nasty trouble, cuz she gonna find things back there they don't even
mention online...I know cuz I can feel 'em!"
"And that why she doin' it, my BROTHER, THAT WHY WE ALL GETTING A BUTT BATH,
likes it or not, our time is nigh."

oh my.