BUSTED?! WHO, ME?
Some receive bad news and roll up into the fetal position, rocking back and forth, bemoaning their fate.
Not Calvin!
CALVIN LIVED THE DREAM OF EVERY CAVY! LAST NIGHT HE ESCAPED AND SPENT THE ENTIRE NIGHT WITH THE ENTIRE APARTMENT ALL TO HIMSELF AND HIS CHOMPERS! PAPER ART WORK, ELECTRICAL CORDS (unplugged) HAY STREWN ON THE CARPET, SINCE MOM DIDN'T VACUUM LAST NIGHT...
WE Salute you, Calvin: You are no longer Calvin the small, You are Calvin the Pirate King!
Mom went to bed with lil'Cal tucked into his Indian blanket like always. The bed is low to the ground, just a mattress on a futon, so she can stick her fingers into our cages and pet us if she sick in bed and (let's get REAL, O.K. - so She don't fall outta it!)
Well, she wakes up with a bed full of poo. And Calvin has the BEST poos of us all! Seriously. Because of his magnificent poos, mom will no longer neuter male rescues to prevent bowel obstructions because he got his cajones and they ain't obstructing NOTHING! We got Proof.
Look at mom's bed-sheet: LOL! EPIC WORK, CALVIN, EPIC!
Mom woke up blurry-eyed, just grateful they weren't
HERS! But, lying there in bed...Calvin's Indian fuzzy blanket beside her...a light bulb went off in the dimness of her brain...slowly, ever so slowly...she glanced into his cage.
NO CALVIN!
OMG! OMG! It was like the beginning and the end of Richard Attenborough's epic "Gandhi" when the Mahatma gets shot and his dying words were: "Oh, God, oh, GOD!" Except nothing like that, really. Mom lost a CAVY!
CALVIN WAS NOT IN HIS CAGE!
CALVIN WAS NOT IN HER BED!
CALVIN WAS NOWHERE IN SIGHT!
CALVIN HAD SLIPPED OUT ONCE MOM FELL ASLEEP, WITH KNOWLEDGE THAT TODAY WHEN THE VET CALLS HE COULD HEAR SOME
VERY BAD NEWS, SO HE
LOOKED THAT NEWS STRAIGHT IN THE EYE AND SPENT THE NIGHT DOING WHAT
MOST PIRATE-PIGZ ONLY DREAM OF... HE PARTAYED THE NIGHT AWAY,
CELEBRATING THE GIFT OF HIS LIFE! St. Calvin, no
longer small, now saintly, bold, and courageous! If guinea pigs
had a S.E.A.L. Team 6, ain't a one of us wouldn't be honored to serve in battle under his leadership! Who could imagine that such
a gentle little pig could face such horrific news and defy his fate
with such gusto! LET HIM BE AN INSPIRATION TO ALL!
Mom eventually found him asleep beneath her art table...tenderly picked him and his exoskeleton up,
held him to her, and said: "Well done, Calvin,
well done!" NONE OF US HAS EVER ACHIEVED SUCH GREATNESS, yet this little runt looked disability and possible impending DEATH IN THE EYE, and LIVED what we think Oprah called: "Your Best life EVER!" (We doesn't watch Oprah, but don't she or didn't she or doesn't she say that in every issue of her magazine upon which she is featured on every single cover, which kills mom: that someone would create a magazine and feature her
self on
every cover! Mom just jealous, what
that is.)
CALVIN, WE SALUTE YOU. MOM SALUTES YOU: "SMALL" NO MORE, YOU HAVE INSPIRED US ALL!
Now, Phase 2, in which mom discovers, over time, exactly HOW
MUCH FUN Calvin had, which
could take months, as the living room floor is strewn with chewable paper art and much, much more!
CALVIN HAS JUST EARNED THE EQUIVALENT OF THE "GUINEA PIG MEDAL OF HONOR!"
...now we await the vet's dreaded phone call. But, no matter. Our "Small-No-More" Calvin has taught us such an inspiring lesson in courage we will carry him if his bones give out and he cannot carry himself. If he does not have bone cancer, we will carry him! We will love him
MORE! We will research supplemental vitamins and alternative therapy. Yesterday will not be a death sententence: merely a Call to become Resourceful and we will contact BEST FRIENDS Animal Sanctuary in Kabob, Utah and ask how to care for boneless vertebrates.
They do it! And if he has to live the rest of his life tucked into his fuzzy Indian blanket, it will be the Best Life Possible! BECAUSE LAST NIGHT, CALVIN SHOWED COURAGE UNDER FIRE! Calvin used his own life as an example
of another way to
respond to fear, with his spunky: "BRING IT!" attitude. We remain in awe.
Mom wussed out: Crybaby!
But our CALVIN ROSE TO THE OCCASION AND PARTIED, LEAVING POOS IN HIS WAKE! (that mom
slept in: ROFLMAO!)
SQUEEEEEEEEE & A HEARTY "ARRRRGH!" TO YA, MATEY! NO PIRATE-PIG IN THE WORLD COULDA DONE MORE MAYHEM! HA!
GO, CALVIN,
GO! WHATEVER NEWS TODAY BRINGS, YOU HAVE TAUGHT US ALL SUCH A PRECIOUS LESSON:
COURAGE CAN COME IN VERY SMALL, WARM, FURRY PACKAGES! WE LOVE YOU, CALVIN, AND SHALL NEVER THINK OF YOU AS SMALL EVER AGAIN. WE SHALL THINK OF YOU WITH WONDER, AWE,
RESPECT FOR YOUR AMAZING GRACE, AND UNCONDITIONAL LOVE. BONES OR
NO BONES, YOU ARE A TRUE PIRATE-PIG!
