YO! Meet "LJ-CoolJ" Our New Jersey Santa!

Lil'LJ-Cool-J from New Jersey heah...yeah,

that's right, y'all, Conni-with-E's special weiner

here to invite you HERE WITH US to spend a Very Special Holiday here in New Jersey! 

YOU GET OUTTA HERE cuz seriously you're

ALL INVITED: Just bring my special

Santa Bag full of dog biscuits, Christmas treats, Chanukkah

treats, Kwaanza treats, New Year treats, and presents to stock

the stuffin' outta our stockin's ya know?

So, meet me: LJ, Count YumYum and the Pigulas'

East Coast familia...we do things a little different

around here, ya know? Like...if you even TRY TO EAT ONE SLICE OF AUTHENTIC NEW YORK ITALIAN PIZZA WITH A FORK LIKE DONALD TRUMP DID -

"WHAT, MOM? 

oh.

"Once upon a time there was a little girl who wanted a puppy..."

"BETTER, MOM? GOOD! WHEW, NEARLY BLEW IT, NOT USED TO BLOGGIN' AND..."

"Yeah, so they lived happily ever after with all their presents. Merry Christmas, Yo! Yo! Yo!"

love ya's baby,

YO! YO! HO!

"lil'LJ-Cool-J"


p.s. My ConniE-mOm mebbe don't KNOW about this invitation, so how 'bout keepin' it on the "down low" JUST SHOW UP WITH PIZZA! 

LOVE LETTER TO FAIRY: I WOULD DO THIS FOR YOU...

Dear Fairy,
FIRST THINGS FIRST...We are still laughing and watching the "Shovel Man" YouTube especially the part about the swing set! What a great Dad he would make!!! (Yes, we guessed he's yours, SO please stay away from the
swings!!!) LA-LA-LA, readers not "in the know" Fairy has her own YouTube
Channel and you must watch it! You will laugh and cry at the same time!
SECOND: IS THAT YOUR COTTAGE THE SHOVEL-MAN CAME OUT OF? IT LOOKS LIKE FAIRIES AND ELVES LIVE THERE!
NO WONDER YOU WANT ME TO COME LIVE WITH YOU...WE LOVED IT
AND THE ONLY PROBLEM is that you know my brother Raj acts all tough and
special and such a food-snitcher he is! But - when mum takes me for a comb-out and nail trim, he squeals like the CavyApocolypse has arrived because for all his
macho swagger, he misses me too much! So...we would all have to come to your beautiful thatched cottage which looked quite roomy to us!

HOWEVER, I wondered if you would allow me to demonstrate my love for you by fixing our place up,
first to wipe the "Please Enter, Fairy" special owl rug.

So far, so good...FAIRY LOOK! A HALO ABOVE MY HEAD BECAUSE OUR MATCH WAS MADE IN HEAVEN!

Next...oH My, what a stretch to make sure no cobwebs
or anything on the ceiling. See how much I care, Fairy, leaving no detail unattended to? This is love in action.

The reason my door is so small is to keep out the riff-raff, if ya know what I mean (my brother, my brother, my brother, my brother.) But! I need to be able to carry you across the threshold, so some threshold widening is in order here...nom-nom-nom, not to mention that this type of Beaver work keeps my chomper teeth nice, short, trim and white! 
Just what the dentist ordered! My oral hygiene is second to none!

Yes, Fairy, this is just the outside and we still need a good paint job so mum said she'd paint a mural of your SecretFairyGarden inside and out, since she just sold a painting at the Gallery! You will feel so "at home!" here, so welcome and deeply loved, pampered...
Oh, Fairy!  Mum ORDERED me to stop lying as much as she does...NO ONE could do a better job of caring for you than your mum and her shovel-man. We look at your blog and your emails and your YouTubes NOT TO MENTION the "Magic Fairy Box" from Lincolnshire!
Then we look at OUR MUM...Squeeee! (help us)

OH FAIRY, PRECIOUS WONDER, look at me now! All disheveled, and now I do understand why a bath can be VITAL to CavyCourtship...
Unfortunately for me, right when I really do want one, mum is down with her migraine again because she had way too much fun at the Gallery last night! She saw a lot of friends she doesn't see in the summer because if they work at our Farmer's Market on Saturday they have to get ready on Friday and can't come but now that winter is upon us they did come and mum was quite the social butterfly in her swishy skirt and cowboy boots. She teaches us good manners by example, to wit: Rick, the owner, always tries to place her where she won't
"block the flow of traffic" sitting in her walker so she glares at him menacingly whenever he is near. (Isn't that what you are supposed to do? She says it IS!) At one point he was very close doing some last-minute touching up and pointed a pair of long, sharp scissors at her, to which she calmly replied: "You come near me with those and I will circumcise you so fast!" to which he came no closer in stunned SILENCE! (Not that statements like that have anything to do with her "Trouble" nick-name of course.)
But the MOST fun was the Irish drummer (there's always FAB MUSIC!) on the stage in front because Fairy, it turned out people there actually knew Irish dance and gathered 'round him hopping and foot-swiveling and going straight up into the air like
helicopters while he sang Irish songs to the beat of his own hand-made drum and it was SO MUCH FUN mum now has a migraine but it's a HAPPY HEADACHE!


Fairy, I just wanted an opportunity to demonstrate how handy I could be around OUR house, although it does appear that I need a bath, yet while mum nurses her headache (and cannot bathe me, Wahhh...) the rest of us will continue watching your YouTubes over and over! They are fairy-funny and once mum's headache surrenders, she promised to help me respond to your emails because I can hardly wait!!!
Sincerely,
Mr. HandyPig