WHERE EARTH AND HEAVEN MEET

TOOK this photograph of Mt. Baker or from Mt. Baker one day
when you could barely tell where the mountain-top ended shrouded 
by pearly clouds and the glistening blue sky began...while our bodies
remain confined to sea level, our spirits dwell in this region between earth and Heaven. Teetering, surrendered to "what is" trying to balance, knowing that ultimately what will be, will be.

HAPPIER DAYS...

RAJ AND TAJ USED TO LOVE RUNABOUTS WHERE
THEY WOULD SNATCH ONE ANOTHER'S LETTUCE
LEAVES OR CARROTS THEN SCURRY BENEATH MY
NIGHTSTAND TO HIDE AND EAT THEM IN "SECRECY!"
SEE THE LOOK OF CONTENTMENT ON TAJ'S FACE, 
HIS EYES HALF-CLOSED, READY FOR HIS NAP AFTER
A PARTICULARLY "BIG SNATCH?" 


THIS IS WHERE RAJ HAS GONE TONIGHT TO DIE.
BENEATH THIS NIGHT STAND. WITH ITS MEMORIES OF
TIMES SPENT ROMPING WITH HIS BROTHER. HE SPENT HIS ENTIRE LIFE WITH HIS BROTHER AND NOW WANTS ONLY TO SPEND HIS LAST LIVING MOMENTS WITH HIM, TOO. YES, READERS, GUINEA PIGS ARE THAT SENSITIVE.

GODSPEED, MAHALS, YOU ARE SO MISSED!
FAIRY, HIS TAIL-FEATHERS USED TO BE SO CLEAN...
SEE? JUST FOR YOU -

BHINDI'S SMILE

See the little piece of litter stuck to Bhindi's nose?
So precious and adorable.
Happy Valentines Day, Dear Friends.
There's No Love Like Cavy Love.

BHINDI TRIES TO SAVE RAJ'S LIFE ON VALENTINES DAY...

Meet "Bhindi" the newest member of our herd. In India, Bhindi is
the red dot worn primarily by married women between their eyes.
But it also signifies the place where one can go into deep meditation and is regarded as the meeting place between life and death...a holy place where saints can come and go at will...I hoped
Raj would not want to die and Bhindi's name would be enough.
At least he's a happy lad, just look at that smile! Not everything
has to be serious and Bhindi and VinnyGuinea sure aren't!

Still, today Bhindi knew he came in with an important job to do:
give Raj love, smiles, playfulness, and hope: a reason to live again.
He really did his best, too! He is asking "Mom, why isn't this working? I don't seem to be enough?" 

I assured him he was quite enough, that Raj was just worn out by grief and Bhindi's playful joy was no less lovely for it.

Bhindi continued trying! He did everything he could think of
to connect with the holes in Raj's heart: he made such heroic
efforts, knowing completely from the "get-go" why he had been
brought into our household, taking his mission seriously and
giving it 100% then more! "Raj? Raj? I love you, Raj, do you
love me? Can you love me?" he seemed to ask. Perhaps Raj
wasn't ready to love and lose again...Either way, Bhindi knew
his part and carried it out heart and soul. But, to no avail.

"Mom...he's not listening...he's already gone...his body is alive but
he is no longer in it...what is happening? How can I help? Please
tell me? I tried? Now what? Mom, now what?"

Mom, they say you are going into the woods on a mountain,
smear mud on your face with tears, and howl like a wolf...
I have only been here two hours and already feel the pain...
but I am a cheerful lad and wonder if you'd let me go into
that other cage for they sound like they're having a lot
of fun and I could use some right about now.


And so, on Valentines Day, Bhindi did his best, then moved in
with YumYum and VinnyGuinea who, with much chattering and chasing
and circling and jockeying for position,
did accept him,
and the three of them are happy together.


I brought Raj to bed for his carrot juice but he 
crawled off my lap, onto the bed and kept crawling...
I asked where he wanted to go and he asked to be
placed on the floor. I gave him that. He walked to
my night stand, a place he and Taj used to play
hide-and-seek with stolen lettuce leaves, a place
where he can still smell his brother...a dark
place where he can die alone remembering
the times he spent with his beloved brother.


And as terrified as I am of having to pull
his stiff, cold body out from beneath that place,
it's the least I can give him.


My new social worker is coming here in the
morning and I have already warned her
what I will be like when she arrives, not
to mention what the apartment will look like.
So I won't be alone.
But I will be curled up into a pillow sobbing
and she will have to write everything down
for all I will remember is the grief I feel no longer
able to forget.

We Are Losing Our Raj On Valentines Day

Today I got Raj a wonderful new friend, Bhindi. When I returned home it appeared he had already passed. I had also dropped CoconutPie off at the vet to be cremated with her friends and released into an apple orchard, hoping to magically eat the apples
from that orchard this coming fall...Raj was barely alive. Bhindi
only seemed to stress him out, so he is now with YumYum and VinnyGuinea playing chase and working out their herd "pecking order" with lots of running about and circling, racing through tunnels...I don't feel safe leaving Bhindi in for the night or unsupervised,  but we'll see...perhaps over time and once their two large "pens" are connected, doubling their space, the may be 
able to all live happily together. Bhindi lived with two other males.


What I am trying not to say is that I may not even stress Raj tonight by force-feeding him his carrot juice. And I will not take him to be euthanized. But this Valentine's Day he will receive the Gift of Holding him in my arms on my lap with all of you present as he passes.


And now my tears are fogging up my reading glasses.


Thank you all and Good Night.


love, 


Chana

It is 2 p.m. on Valentine's Day and Raj's broken heart remains inconsolable and he is now embracing death, no longer even
wanting his carrot juice. He is on the other side of the living room
from Vinny and YumYum and has been placed into a new cage
with a newly laundered cuddle cup but to no avail. I am going to
get him an active, curious, adorable one-year-old male guinea pig
as a last attempt to save his life. It is the only thing left to do and
he is displaying no symptoms of pneumonia, only lethargy and
grief. If he responds to his new friend the way he responded to
Vinny Guinea and begins to take food and drink, he will live, I am
certain of it. If not, this will be remembered as the Valentine's Day
Guinea Pig Massacre. And when strong enough, I will go to my
mountain and scream and howl until I am too hoarse for any more
sounds to come out and too dehydrated for any more tears to fall
and will rub mud on my face and go all tribal and cover myself
with leaves and lie down and watch clouds go by to remind myself
of the impermanence of Life and why we must invest in being as
completely present in the moment because it is the Moment Itself
that is actually the PRESENT we are Gifted.


You are all so much more than I have a right to ask for, each appearing in your own special ways at the exactly right times,
it has been too perfect to have been orchestrated by anyone
less than God, which Itself deepens my Faith that all the Little
Buddhas rest blissfully in the Lap of the Incarnation of Compassion
Himself...


Happy Valentines Day and at no time in my 55 years on planet
Earth have I felt more loved than on this day, this week, this
month, this year: YOU ARE THE PRESENCE BLESSING
ME WITH YOUR PRESENCE AND THE SHEDDING OF
YOUR OWN TEARS WHICH RUN INTO THE OCEAN OF
DIVINE LOVE FOR ALL LIVING BEINGS, OUR LITTLE BROTHERS AND SISTERS, AND ONE ANOTHER.

      I do fear for Raj today...

Love,

Chana 

Hanging On By A Thread

Late last night when I finally succumbed to sleep
and placed Raj back into his cage, the first thing
he did was walk weakly to the spot where his
beloved CocoNutPie had gone to die. He stayed
there awhile which made me think he was going
to die there, too.
So, I stayed awake, crying.
After awhile, he walked weakly back into their 
snowflake hut, also searching for her.
She was not there, either. I thought he would die.
Upon waking this morning, I thought he was dead.
But he stirred just a little.
He is the weakest I have seen him.
He has been separated from Vinny,
lost his brother from whom he had never been
apart his entire life then lost CocoNutPie.
If anyone had a fighting chance to survive,
it was Raj Mahal, but now his heart is broken
and his will to live broken, as well.
Antibiotics will not fix that.
As he is not presenting signs of pneumonia,
the only chance of survival available to
him is placing him in the living room
on the opposite side of the room from
Vinny and YumYum where he can at
least hear them.
I can't in good conscience bring him
a healthy new baby to befriend him...not yet.
But once the vet gives him a clean bill of health,
Raj is getting a new friend.
Since Vinny is the first and ONLY PIGGIE
YumYum has EVER taken to, I must leave
Vinny to YumYum, but it is almost spring
and there will be a bumper crop of new
guinea babies looking for good homes
and broken hearts to mend...
If only we can keep Raj alive long enough.


To each and every one of you who have offered
support in every form from comments, to emails,
offering to pay our vet bills, sending marmalade,
cyberhugs...phone calls, more than I can mention
because my physical therapist is almost hear
and I am still in my nightgown...


the tears I shed for you are tears of gratitude,
not tears of grief.


Love,
Chana

Who comprehends

the ways of Life and Death

but Rivers and Sky,

Mountains and Seas...

Lose five piggies in 2012,

Adopt six.

Hearts heal,

Their need for love

Endures forever.

(o.k. maybe be happy with 

what I have while this ill,

but know that if health

returns, the need will always

exist for more stewardship

and a reason to feel needed
which will keep me connected
forever to my near and dear
friends...you know who you
are for you have meeries
and a Fairy and your own
special little Buddhas...
and now you have me
forever!)

Good-Bye?

Raj Mahal drank fresh wheatgrass and carrot juice tonight, 
sleeping with me until I placed him back into his cage
just now at 1 a.m. He immediately went to the spot where
CoconutPie had gone to die and dwelt there awhile
before settling alone in their shared hut, not moving.
I do not think he has the will to live anymore and
would be surprised to find him alive in the morning
despite all efforts to save his life. Without Coconut,
he has lost the will to live and going first off to her
designated dying place to find her and not finding
her was heartbreaking. It appears he has chosen
to join her, his brother Taj, and the rest of the herd.
My sleep is sad already.
Good night, dear friends.
I have given myself permission to fall
apart tomorrow.
Thank you for your support, love, and compassion.
love,
Chana