and brush him, the way I did the night he died.
Except I forgot he died.
I thought of perfecting the coronet on the crown of
his head because he always wanted it to be perfect
for Fairy, and how we trimmed his "tail feathers"
for her and how much he loved flattening his back
so I could comb it softly, slowly, gently, like a
massage and make him beautiful. And how much
attention we paid to the details of his dew lap (double chin)
to make his two-toned lower lip stand out, as he was
most proud of it! I was in the midst of planning
For we did this before tucking him in.
Next to me.
Under the covers,
Stumbled and fell.
Crumbled and yelled.
Into my hands.
Covered in tears.
And cannot put myself together again.
Piles of papers with deadlines scattered.
The inspection has, at least, been postponed.
Social workers are calling: why haven't I sent
the papers back?
Why haven't I gotten my guinea pigs back?
I'm out of the hospital now,
where have they gone?
A friend I emailed to warn that I might
sound a little crazy for awhile
said that he had two mentally ill
relatives in his family and he did
not need this so I was never to
write him again ever. He never
asked why...I felt crazy.
Because I was going to brush Raj...
And I forgot.