OHNO'S BIG INTERVIEW

Video | Short track: Ohno sits down with Costas | NBC Olympic

After consulting with the United Guinea Pig Skating Federation, we are all in agreement that there was lots of pushing and impeding (read: cheating) going on to keep our Apolo from his gold medal in every race. LOTS 'O CHEATING! But we piggies are impressed by his calm, cool demeanor, his grace under fire (on and off the ice) and complete lack of bitterness towards the athletes who robbed him of certain Gold. He's well put together, inside and out.

Two races remain and they are going to be a FLYING CIRCUS! If you've never seen a short-track relay, think of Tribes from the Land of Total Chaos wearing Samurai swords on their booted feet changing partners, pushing, shoving, some intended, most not, and a melee of indescribable, total, COMPLETE UNPREDICTABILITY on ICE! Some call it pure madness. Because, frankly, it is!

Kind of like the last man standing wins: sliding, skating, flying. Whatever it takes to cross that finish line.

We of the Guinea Pig Nation wish the U.S. Speedskating Team Godspeed!