Dear Readers,Now that I am the Head of "The Herd that Hears" I have something the herd needs to hear: To make it in this world, do not allow yourself to do any of the things mom asks you to do because then you will lose all respect for yourself. We are all males. Not females. I am the #1 Alpha Male of dis here boy-band, thus: Here is my photo essay on Civil Disobedience.
Ok, Ok, everybody, calm down! Yeah, I bit that woman's hand the other night and the medics came (blah, blah, blah, they made jokes about how guinea pigs would taste on a barbeque grill) AND THEY CALL THEMSELVES FIRST RESPONDERS? They just NASTY!
So, big deal, then mom spent half the night in the Emergency Room having the gusher flushed out, cleaned, getting pain meds and antibiotics and what EVER. Mom, it's not like this is the first time, you should know the routine by now and not make QUITE such a drama out of it. You know one of the friends moving you is going to wash all that blood off the walls, so just take a deep breath, focus on your whatever-the-yoga-you-do Thing, and relax. That's a good mom. There you go...calm down.
Now, we get to the Mahals. What mom did next set the stage for their first Really Big Lesson in Gandhi-esque revolution:
Mom felt that since I was the one who bit her, she could just hand me her guinea pig cage & clean "To Do" list, which she did.
Mahals, listen UP! That's it, Raj, watch closely: Politely thank mom for the opportunity to pitch in and help, since she is one-handed yet again (which, if you really reflect upon it, doesn't speak so highly of mom's learning curve)
and accept the list graciously.
Act as if it would be an honor to read the list and follow the stuff the blue letters on the paper say to do.
Now, Mahals, REALLY PAY ATTENTION NOW: The second mom thanks you and turns her back, DESTROY THE LIST, EAT IT, CHEW IT UP, AND THEN - AS A PARTING GESTURE OF "OH YEAH, RIGHT, MOM, YA THINK WE'RE ALL A BUNCH OF LITTLE GIRLS?" YOU MUST PEE ON IT. A FEW TIMES. That Way, the blue letters change and mom has no proof that she ever asked you to do anything in the first place.
And, now that we have a chirper amongst us, get Taj to chirp to the birds, which mom finds so delightful she forgets all about the list and goes about cleaning our cages with her newly bandaged hand covered by a rubber glove.
And THAT, Mahals, is how we do iT!
IF THESE PHOTOS ARE COMPLETELY OUT OF SEQUENCE IT IS INTENTIONAL: WE ARE NOT LINEAR THINKERS, we are creative dreamers! Just scroll down and figure it goes bottom to top, ok?
Thank you, dear Readers. Just had to do this while mom was out getting us ready to move this weekend.
Humbly,
your sweet darling, YumYum
WHO DA MAN? WHO DA MAN? WHO DA MAN? YUM-YUM CAN! YUM-YUM CAN! YUM CAN 'CAUSE I DA MAN!
YUM YUM !!!! Stop it right now! Do NOT encourage the Mahals to make a bigger mess in the cage. Since you have basically made your Mom's life even more difficult by biting her the other day, you could really help out by encouraging everybody (yourself included) to pitch in and HELP with the cage cleaning. Well, OK, I know you can't really help, but at least you could be a bit more cooperative by not making a bigger mess. And perhaps you could push all of your toys into one corner of the cage so it will be easy to pack come moving day.
ReplyDeleteYour Mom will really appreciate any help and cooperation that you can give her. There could even be a reward in it for you if you become a reformed, good, piggie (instead of what I once heard you referred to as "The Furry Incarnation of Satan").
From your Auntie, DommyDomsMom
Dear Auntie Ann,
ReplyDeleteWhen mom referred to me as "The Furry Incarnation of Satan" was she using her outside
voice again? We beg her: "Mom, keeps the thoughts INSIDE your pretty little head" but looks like she blew it again! Now I have a reputation to live up to: yeah, this is gonna be good, (not for mom), real, real good! There is no better reward than turning a peaceful night into pure chaos! Have you not MET me?! Best to DommieDom and Camille!
Oh no, it appears that I may have created a monster by admonishing your behavior Yum Yum. Even Sir Dominic (aka DommyDom) recognized that there could be a backlash (why didn't he whisper something to me while I was typing??). My sincerest apologies to your Mom. I was just trying to lend a helping hand (no pun intended) to her from afar since I am down here in Seattle and unable to help with the move. So, once again, PLEASE have mercy on your Mom for the next week or so during the upheaval of the move. After that, if you get creative in organizing chaos, well OK (sort of). Just lay off the biting.
ReplyDeleteI look forward to seeing you in your new abode soon. Say hello to your little buddies, Taj and Raj, as well as your Mom.
From Auntie Ann (aka DommyDomsMom)
Sure thing, ya 'betcha,(if you believe me, you and mom have much to learn) but not until we've watched "GLEE" and busted a few cavy moves with our little piggie-booties! WHEEEEEK!
ReplyDeleteyUM-yuM OuT!