IT PAYS TO ASK NICELY...

And if it doesn't, then WHEEK AND SQUEEE in a shrill, high-pitched soprano that reminds mom of the great Molly Easter Bunny Debacle and: VOILA! let there be cuddles, treats, a nice comb-out, and no small amound of admiration! When youZ a guinea pigula youZ got a reputation to liveZ up to!

{EDITOR: more like "down to..."}

"What? Mom, that you writing when you supposed to be devoting your full, undivided attention on one thing and one thing only according to your Zen mindfulness practices? And that one thing would
be me!"

{EDITOR: "fine! i'll be mindful when i throw up from this migraine!}

"See, enlightenment only a guinea pig away!"

{EDITOR: "thank you, Master Po."}

"Any time, widdle Pukin'GwassHopperMomma."

Enlightenment: only a guinea pig away...

"GONNA HURL, GONNA HURL, CLEAR THE DECKS,
CLEAR THE MESS HALL, A HORK A-COMIN'!"

...only a guinea pig away.

"You're starting to sound like Pete Mertz, the World's Worst
Weatherman alwayZ on UScream when we wanna see somethin'
besides ---- UH OH!"

...only a - (Ewwwww!) MOM! Dat just NASTY! indoor heave sound.
Honestly! i is eating! no manners on that one, none at all...nom-nom-nom!