No matter how much she soft-focuses the Face of truth, the truth is TERRIBLE and we editorially do not cover up mom's wrong-doing no matter how many soft-shuffle dances she does...we don't know what that means. It doesn't matter.
Here's what does, that her "experiment" in nonviolence towards flies has ended tragically...
SHE ATE ONE WHOLE FOR BREAKFAST THIS MORNING! YUP!
"In my defense - "
"YOU HAVE NO DEFENSE, MOM, AND A MILLION NEW CUDDLE CUPS AIN'T GONNA COVER UP THE TRUTH OF WHAT YOU DID! SHAME ON YOU!"
"YumYum, if put into context - "
"SHAME ON YOU!"
"Would you at least explain what happened and how it happened?"
"FINE! So, mom got up and made coffee: SHAME ON YOU!"
"Can we move this along, YumYum? I drink coffee every day, shade-grown, bird-friendly, free-trade,
organic..."
"FINE, mom, whatEVER! So, mom makes her coffee then does something, who knows what...then goes back into the kitchen she has been allowing the flies to in live rent-free, although, admittedly there are fewer than last summer...she checks the surface of the coffee, because they are also Pacific Northwest flies, so they seem to go more for java than anything else - "
"And I did NOT SEE ONE FLY, YumYum - "
"Right, she did not see one fly. BUT SHE DRANK ONE WHOLE! SHE SWALLOWED A WHOLE FLY! ATE AND DRANK A FORMERLY LIVING, BREATHING CHILD OF GOD:
WHOLE!"
"I didn't know it was in there, YumYum - they ususually float on the top and I can save most of them from drowning...how many happily caffeinated flies have I saved from drowning in JavaBliss?"
"GUILTY OF FLY CONSUMATION! SHAME ON YOU, MOM,
SHAME ON YOU!"
"The only thing I am guilty of is after realizing I had just swallowed something, and we still don't KNOW exactly WHAT...is exclaiming 'UH-OH, OH-NO I DIDN-T! NO! NO! NO!' out loud."
"And yet you did so now we and the whole world knows! You had a fly for breakfast, mom. You have a fly carcass in you, in the belly of the beast!
THAT JUST NASTY!"
"YumYum, I drank the coffee to help the migraine so I can go to the Big Farm Store and get everything I need to do a deep-clean of all your cages today so you can all have and enjoy your new cuddle cups, huts, tunnels..."
"Really?"
"Yes. And my head, my aching head. But do I let that stop me? NO!"
"Carry on, then. Justice has been served."
YumYum OUT!
I say he committed flyicide. A little protein for mom and it will all come out organically in the end!
ReplyDeleteYeah, what Marifun said!
ReplyDeleteUH.. Hey Yum-Yum? Maybe y'owl need to take up a collection and buy your mom a new dictionary? So she can look up the difference between words like consumption and consumation??? Or, if that was deliberate, she needs to precede it with a SPEW ALERT! Cuz MY mom is rolling on the floor choking on the big mac she just had for lunch! I'm just saying!
ReplyDeleteI suggest, a proper funeral service, but we may have to wait a while for the remains to..... well um... reappear, and then there's the identification process. Yum Yum this ain't going to be pretty.
ReplyDeleteROFLMAO!!!!!!
ReplyDeleteLove,
Lashes
CD3 and all well-wishers, we thank you. This did not end well, is all we can say. CD3, as much as we had hoped for
ReplyDelete"the remains" Homeland Insecurity Agents were needed to...uh...well, THEY GOT 'EM if anyMODy does!