Last night instead of returning to Bellingham from Seattle I remained in Seattle for the night, ordinarily I would have returned at dusk to enjoy the peaceful, calm drive with stunning countryside, the North Cascade Mountains to the East, the San Juan Islands to the West, fields of tulips and daffodils abloom everywhere...and may have been on this bridge when it collapsed last night, it was the time I usually would have been driving over it...yet I was safe.
We are struggling in many ways at this time...and continue imagining YumYum popcorning in Heaven with all his friends...today Guinea Pig Magazine arrived with a funny photo of Squirrel in it and a copy of the New Year issue two years ago when our beloved Taj Mahal made cover pig! Yet died before the magazine arrived...the feature of this issue? "Coping With Loss: Grief and Bereavement Issues"...
The other piggies seem O.K. to a degree...but none are "quite right"...they all caught diarrhea from some organic wheatgrass that I think contained some mold, all but YumYum seemed to recover, but...I am not sure...guinea pigs can die of grief. The home we found...may have been a scam run by a group of unscrupulous thieves who greedily exploit seniors and disabled people...and as it turns out they had no intention of us ever moving in, only stealing more and more deposits they continued to demand...finally it became apparent we face the possibility of homelessness...I found a lawyer and warned them that I knew what they were doing and they would face serious consequences which they were not accustomed to because they rarely get people as young as me in their buildings since people my age I was told "don't like living with a bunch of old people." They exploit seniors who have no nearby families nor advocates to protect them, but I am not one of those. We have received overwhelming support both from the Seattle Housing Authority and Ironman Movers here in Bellingham...now the bridge is down and we have been given a nearly impossible deadline we have to arrive by and the movers are determined we will meet it and they will have to let us live there but they can still sabotage things...so we face potential homelessness...a neighbor with 4 precious girl pigs would foster the boys and I would live - ? Who knows? So, we pray, we cry, we mourn, we feel happy we are together, we rejoice we were not on the bridge and we are safe tonight and home together although I think they do not feel well and I am pouring my heart out here...because it has been tough and continues growing tougher and at the same time we receive Grace in the gift of a wonderful doctor I found in Seattle, in the love and care of our true friends, we have also lost some as I became sicker we lost friends who cannot handle what is happening to me and it hurts, it hurts deeply but we accept what we must and while packing I realize most of what is here was given us by friends, many of whom have drifted away intentionally so what to do with their gifts? I was told to remember the good times but the things they gave me only make me sad now because I realize that...they are no longer in our lives. It hurts. I don't blog like this but losing YumYum, the possibility of having to foster the boys who survive yet appear not to be thriving...and we still wonder, will we have a home waiting, and the bridge collapse making travel a nightmare of many hours, and stress while they are this delicate is extremely dangerous...I find myself staring at the possibility of losing all the guinea pigs either to grief/disease, stress of the move now that we have to travel hours to get to Seattle, if we do not get our apartment having them fostered with a kind neighbor who has four girls - or have I said that already - yes, back up plans for Homelessness have been made as we grieved YumYum's loss...and even if we do manage to strong-arm our way into the apartment we were promised how could it become the harmonious, happy place we envisioned and desire? We will have to learn to create that and we will! I still believe in the goodness of Humanity as we receive so much support in the midst of what feel like catastrophic challenges.
Will you please send us good vibes, prayers, whatever you do for loved ones facing loss, having faith and a sure inner knowing everything will turn out for the best, battling for a home, knowing we were saved by God from having plunged into the torrential, icy depths of the Skagit River, so we are being watched over and cared for, will you still be our friends while our lives fall completely apart? We know only Goodness awaits us. But, being human, I still feel frightened sometimes...
Thank you, I decided to be brutally honest in this post after not plunging to our deaths in the bridge collapse, we know we have Someone Watching Over Us, it's just hard sometimes, too, to be a human being with aspirations for deeper faith.
All of Us
in Memory of YumYum
'via Blog this'