NO! NO! NOT GUINEA PIRATES?!

Dear Sir Dominic, we are sincerely sorry that the following link frightened you so! Your mom, Ann, never told us you had a
"GIANT GUINEA PIRATE" phobia or we would never have shown that. (yes we would) and we are all contrite with shame (no we're not) so please ask your mom for a glass of warm milk with honey and a dash of fresh cardamom, then to tuck you in with her tonight and play some nice music like Wagner's Ring Cycle, especially the Valkyries. That'll soothe you. Meanwhile, please come back to visit us again because we need to give your mom back all your "Glee" dvd's...we're "Gleeks" too and are so happy to have you on our team. Dom, again, we will not display anything resembling Giant Guinea Pirates ever again, we promise (no we don't)
















PANDA PIG APOLOGETICALLY OUT! (no i'm not)

WHAT MOM'S NEW BOOK SAYS: DEBUNKED BY FOLLOWING DOCUMENTARY

South Park Episode Player - Pandemic 2 - The Startling

Today mom got a little booklet from the farm store about guinea pigs while stocking up on all our supplies, plus a few new toys. The first sentence:

"Guinea pigs, also called cavies, are the most gentle of all household pets. They are very placid, and almost
never bite or scratch."
by Bradley Viner "All About Your Guinea Pig"

Although I posted a few excerpts from "South Park" yesterday, after reading
that sentence aloud to us, bursting into laughter, and throwing down the
book, mom requested I post the episode in its entirety. I have complied: Watch and learn.

GUINEA PIGS, GUINEA BEES, GUINEA RATS, GUINEA RABBITS! THEY'RE EVERYWHERE!

(just don't tell anyone) We have a placid reputation to keep up.

PANDA OUT!

NAUGHTY LITTLE THING

This may just appear to be an innocent photograph depicting YumYum
watching Bear walk away. And a gentle reader might assume YumYum
misses his friend.

WRONG!

Read on to learn the ugly truth behind this innocuous photograph
because I am finally ready to expose secrets of the herd you have
never read before: This is the beginning of YumYum's Great Revenge.

And it isn't pretty.

Bear just doesn't know that yet. But he will. Oh yes, he will!

PANDA OUT (AND ONLY WARMING UP!)

REVENGE OF THE LITTLE PIG!

Gentle Reader, take a good look. You see YumYum climbing intently into Bear the Beaver Pig's cage.
WHY?
THE NEXT POST EXPOSES THE UGLY TRUTH BEHIND WHEN GOOD PIGS GO BAD!

WHEN GOOD GUINEA PIGS GO BAD!

Gentle Reader,

For months I have honestly tried to portray our herd as one blissful,
loving family.

But, frankly, I have HAD IT WITH THESE TWO!

You may as well know that these photographs illustrate a hostile
standoff between the alpha-male by virtue of size and age, Bear
the Beaver Pig, and the little upstart with a big attitude, YumYum!
This is dangerous behavior: chattering loudly with their teeth, getting closer and closer to one another, until one will actually charge the
other, ready to do some serious damage.

YumYum appears to have lost this standoff, but what you do not
know, dear reader, is that he climbed immediately into Bear's
cage, carefully dismembering Bear's favorite boxes and toys with
attention to being as destructive as his little teeth and toes would
allow. He broke Bear's favorite "turtle box" (the low box with
holes that he pokes his head through then walks around carrying
the box on his back like a turtle) and then YumYum peed his own
"house blend" of scent, marking Bear's cage as HIS! He peed, he
pooed, he sprayed the scent of a vengeful little punk ALL OVER
Bear's Favorite Things. No accident, this behavior!

Then YumYum ate his food, drank his water, and made a mess of
Bear's favorite hay pile, the one Bear likes to hide under while he
grazes contentedly at bedtime.

Mom had to completely clean, wipe and wash down Bear's cage to
remove YumYum's vengeance. Although, admittedly, it beat the
last few times when she stuck her hand between them...and bad
things happened. Now she uses a dish towel or oven mitt to break
up their Stand-Offs. So, even though it appears Bear won this
round, one has to wonder: did he? Did he really?
Can't we all just get along?
Sigh...
PANDA OUT!

GIANT GUINEA BEAR GROWS LONGER AND LONGER!

We all went Runabout tonight and Bear began emerging from his box
and kept getting longer and longer and longer, reminding us of the Giant Guinea Pig segments from "South Park" when Guinea monsters disguised as Giant Bees take over the world! We laughed and laughed until both
YumYum and I noticed an uncanny resemblance of Bear the Beaver Pig
to the Guinea Pigs, Guinea Bees, and Guinea everythings destroying the
world in the next 2 posts.

Now, We are Startled! Follow the posts and you'll be Startled, too!

PANDA OUT!

ATTACK OF THE GIANT GUINEA BEES! - Clips - South Park Studios

There's Bees Everywhere - Clips - South Park Studios

GIANT GUINEA BEES?!  DON'T LOOK NOW OR YOU'LL

BE STARTLED. TERRIFIED.

FROM LAUGHTER!

ATTACK OF THE GIANT GUINEA PIGS!

We Gotta Get Out! - Clips - South Park Studios

WE STILL CANNOT STOP LAUGHING! BRILLIANT, GENIUS:
GIANT GUINEA PIGS TAKING OVER THE WORLD!
WHY DIDN'T WE THINK OF THAT?

MOM'S NEWEST GOOD IDEA

WHEN GOOD IDEAS GO HORRIBLY WRONG

On Friday, mom only had 15 minutes to practice yoga before her physical therapy so she set an egg timer. She didn't want to be late. She never had an egg timer before because she doesn't eat eggs. But her doctor told her to get one and learn to do things for just a few minutes at a time to prevent overdoing things that triggered pain. And fatigue. Brilliant, utterly fantastic!

Knowing the timer was on, she was able to enjoy a deeply relaxing practice, albeit shorter than usual. While luxuriating in sivasana (corpse pose) just melting into
a soft, happy place, her mind finally began unwinding from the stress of the move and a rough week.
Ah, peace:  Pretty, pretty inner peace.

Mom told us how amazed she was that only 15 minutes of yoga could feel so good before lying down for the resting pose. "Wow, you guys, you should try this," said she.

We each nodded knowingly then waited...waited...waiting until, suddenly, the  firecracker-"RIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIING!!!!!!!!!!!" Right by her ear on the yoga mat.

"WHAT THE ?!@#$%&FHl7KR8*" mom screamed.

'Twas like watching a sunning snake in quiet repose suddenly shed her skin of bliss by jumping out of it in terror! Amusing humans, never a dull moment. Seriously, even a rodentBrain could have seen THAT coming, and yet,
we took no delight whatsoever in her startlement. We neither giggled, laughed, nor exchanged silly, knowing glances with one another between the bars of our cages. That would be rude. Like taking delight in a prank we ourselves might have pulled. And guinea pigs have better manners than that.

YumYum is hollering for me to, "Tell everybody how much we giggled, laughed, and exchanged silly, knowing glances with one another between the bars of our cages. And how you called it the biggest Laugh-Riot of the Year, Panda! What is a laugh-riot, anyway?" (not NOW, YumYum!)

The tragedy is how proud Mom was of her new egg timer.  But now... not so much.  We offered to eat it for her.  She sadly thanked us and said it was just another one of those really complicated gadgets with steep learning curves, yet she had hope of one day mastering the "egg timer" for the good of all mankind.

We doubt it. Perhaps a reader would kindly suggest gentle bells as a yoga timer, or the sound of tinkling harp.
Anything to keep us from laughing our guts out next time she uses the egg timer for yoga.  And, make no mistake, she will!

PANDA OUT!

ICE STORM ON THE OUTBACK

WHAT ON EARTH happened to singing robins, budding trees, flowering bulbs, and the warm, sunny weather that turned the Winter Olympics in Vancouver last
month into the Melting Olympics?!

NOW WE GET WINTER?

Yesterday, we were pelted by wind and something between hail and snow, maybe
ice rain. It was dark, we were shivering because no matter what mom did, the
wind kept screaming through the windows of this old place.

Maybe a new place would be warm. We'd like that.

Technically, we guess it is still winter, and we've just been spoiled by early spring-
like weather.

But it was really coming down and so mom let us out on Runabout to stay warm,
get some exercise, and forage for food hidden in and amongst our boxes and
Runabout toys. It was fun, even if YumYum is still chasing me, Bear is still chasing
YumYum, and all I want is a little time to be PandaGoesRunabout without a lot of
cavy commotion! I ask for so little...still, Runabouts are always fun, even in a storm!

PTARMIGAN!

WE are all ready for summer. And mom is ready for the high country.
All we think about is spring: our ceremonial opening of the windows, sunlight pouring in, the fragrance of mom's lattes mingling with the perfume of blossoming trees, and tales of adventures at Artist's Point.

Now that she'll be a hip, urban, bohemian artist, she belongs at Artist's Point, and anywhere in the mountains above 5,000 feet!

It's been years:
Time to go back and find another ptarmigan!

PANDA OUT!