Princess Beatrice Intervenes

Raj, darling, it's me, Bea...not Millie Bea, silly, PRINCESS BEA OF Millinery Fame!
Darling, I've seen my share of bad bums, believe me, with these hats, I attract them!
Which places me in a particularly special position to help you get your lady, particularly since she's from This Side of The Pond...Look, let's have tea and cucumber sandwiches
on Friday at 4...say, Harrod's? NOBODY will see us there! Don't give up on Fairy
yet just because of you're an American PiratePig:  Even Fairy Princesses want their mates viral, strong, handsome, charming, lovely in that manly, bad-boy way, we just have to
refine a few details is all, so is it a date then, darling? Shall I see you then?
What? Have Harrots shave the cucumber, don't you care for the skin?
Well, THAT'S OUR FIRST CLUE THEN, NOT CARING FOR THE SKIN.
Until Friday, Ta-Ta, Pip-Pip, off you go now...
(OMG! HOPE THE TABLOIDS DON'T GET WIND OF THIS.)

The Village Playground - YouTube

The Village Playground - YouTube
^^^WARNING: SPEW ALERT HIGH!
We already guessed who the Shovel
man of Appleby was before Fairy leaked

his secret identity, and I, Raj, shall appeal to him for a Shovel'Ntervention

since I am not a GrovelingPig, no, not
at all: don't hate me because I'm beautiful.


What is a bath, actually? Even mom -


"Raj, sweetie, whatcha doin' hon?"


"BLOODY OWL HORK! Now I must tell a fib and it comes so UNnaturally
to me: Nothing, mom, just um, not much, sitting idly, inactive, inert, motionless, unoccupied, gathering
dust, to tell you the truth!"


"Awww, Sweetie, see now THAT'S REALLY NICE, using those unwashed tailfeathers of yours as a duster so I can get more rest...you're the Best Pig Ever!"


"Thanks, mom, you know we do all we can to help YOU OUT around here."


"And that is why I love you. Back to
my nap, before you know it 'twill be
First Friday ART GALLERY HOLIDAY EXTRAVAGANZA and 
Lord knows I need my beauty rest..."


"Mom, is your art ready then? Ahead of time? Have you practiced that "art of preparedness, the most practical of all the practices of Art?"


ZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.................

"As the Key Turns, Episode 2"

My own true love is demanding my bum be freshly done before she will even consider my Magic Carrot proposal...I'm an American cavy, we don't have manners, if we had manners, would we have thrown all that wunnerful tea off the Tea Party Ship in Boston?
Of course not! Methinks cultural and social differences need be moderated...hmmm, who to do it? Who? Who? Must think.Ommmmmmmmm....

(At least for now, having taken Eeyore's advice, I am hiding so Fairy can't even SEE my bum whilst I ponder.)

She looks pretty happy in hers...hmmm.

We have heard rumors from the Garden Elves of a
Shovel-Man who appears magically in one
of Fairy's videos on YouTube...
Perhaps HE WOULD be able to help,
'im bein' a bloke and all that.

Will you all Join me, please, to the tune of
"Have You Seen the Muffin Man" my version
called "Have You Seen the Shovel Man Who Lives in
A-Pel-Beeeee?"

{Portrait of Fairy in her bath swiped, of course,
without permission}...and the "Shovel Man of Appleby" can be seen using a link from Fairy's blog.
Please Appleal to him on my behalf of my American bum...many gracious thanks!

P.S. yes, mom really IS offline, she let me write this
up real quick now the Clamshell is SHUT again...so please don't let that discourage you.
It shall re-open!

Just a Wee Bitty Barn Owlet but Even I Know About PIP!

My name is, uh, well, I am just a wild baby owlet in an owl box with a camera but wonder wide-eyed how guinea pigs can suffer such ennui when all we do is play, sleep, eat, and practice hopping and flapping our wings ...Perhaps you love-lorn guinea pigs might need to practice hopping and flapping you wings, too. We are always listening to the garden hedgehogs laugh...they say "Yeah, when Pigs Fly!" You mean...you CAN'T?

AND NOW, A WORD FROM OUR SPONSOR: CAVY-CARROTS-FOR-LOVERS, INC!

Something is missing from my life...

I wonder what it is as I wander in search of what I wonder about...

I dream of what my life is missing, even with my eyes open, exspecially with my eyes open, so if it comes, I won't miss it! Even my dreams are lonely...

I know what he's missing, but I ain't tellin' cuz me gots me my lady and my big, fat belly, and one HAPPY PIG is this NutPie!

Are you in here? Hello? Hello? Where are you?

Would someone please help me out?

See? Can I even eat, I ask you? Can I even eat? In Canada, you know what they would call this? They would say: "Eh, look at him! He's got "the pip!" 

Well, if he left his "pip" in my favorite snowflake hut, I'll give his pip what for! Spreadin' his pip like an infectious disease...we all know what "it" is but him!

AND NOW A WORD FROM OUR SPONSOR,
FAIRY-GROWERS OF THE SECRET GARDEN.
GOT "THE PIP?" WE PLANT MAGIC IN YOUR GARDEN, A SURE-CURE FOR PIPPIN' WHEN YOU CAN'T EVEN GET YOUR POPCORN ON!

OUR LOVE CARROT: Universal Symbol of True Love BETWEEN CAVIES TOO DEMURE, SHY, OR DISCOMBUMBULATED TO SAY TO THE OTHER...

FAIRY, IT'S TRUE! THE MAGIC CARROT FROM THE SECRET GARDEN...

WILL YOU BE MINE?
I WANT TO SHARE MY CARROT WITH YOU AND SHARE MY HUT WITH YOU AND SHARE MY LIFE WITH YOU.
I WOULD EVEN BATHE FOR YOU...

HA!HA!HA!HA!HA!HA!HA!
HO!HEE-HO-HA-TOO FUNNY!
"I would even bathe for you!"
"Ah, no worries, mates, she'll never fall for it! She's a magic one, knows all the tricks o'the trade THAT GIRL DOES!"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The next episode of "As the Key Turns" brought to you by Cavy-Carrots-for Lovers, Inc.
Stay tuned...will Raj find Fairy receptive to his orangy overtures?
Will Fairy forgive Raj for being a cavy who refuses to take a bath?
Will they reach Perestroika?
STAY TUNED! 

THERE IS SUCH A THING AS "FAIRY MAGIC!"

Just in case you are wondering, Fairy is already
considered a card-carrying, Royal member of our
Herd of Pirates, Robbers, and Ne'er-Do-Wells,
for she and CoconutPie are bringing
real "GIRL POWER" to tame the outlaws
who shamelessly snitch one another's treats,
snitch Fairy's photographs, snitch mom's salad by
getting to it before she can and dragging it away to
their secret lairs (actually the Snowflake Hut in
GuineaElfVillage) and what, you ask, is the
point of this? (Particularly you new readers
who still expect a point! Tsk! Tsk! for YOU!)

Well, mom had a very bad row with The Migraine
recently! She threw every trick in the book at
it and nothing, by which we mean NO. THING.
WORKED!

Which cut in on our time, ya know? Like, all the fun
things we look forward to doing aren't going to
happen by THEMSELVES, HELLO!

Yesterday, Edwin came to bring us a fresh, apple pie for
Thanksgiving since all mom ate was a few slices of
tofurkey and first she cut off the mold! Then ate the
rest...can you say EEEEEEWWWWW GROSS?

That is when we realized The Migraine had gotten the best of her.

Edwin, bored watching mom languish in her sickbed like a Hollywood diva in a tragic film, decided to march out the door
for a way-cool haircut, an entire bag of fresh, organic veggies for
us, and mom gave him the key to her P.O. Box with explicit
instructions for him to open the Box, find another key, then
go to another box with the other key and unlock THAT BOX
wherein the Miracle waited, she was sure of it!

Edwin soldiered out into the dark night and obediently did what
he was told...of course, when he found that there really WAS a
magic key in her P.O. Box a phone call ensued:
"Chana, there's a KEY in your box! What do you want me to do with it?" He did not know because he is such a good listener!

"I already told you, take the key that is in the box you opened with the other key to another box and open THAT box with the new key and see if there is a MIRACLE IN IT AND THEN BRING
IT HOME TO US IMMEDIATELY!"

"What?"

"What WHAT?"

"Do WHAT?"

"I just TOLD YOU WHAT!"

"What other box?"

"The lockers where they put the packages!"

"Where are they?"

"To your right as you leave the lobby."

"But there's a number on the key...what do I do with THAT?"

"Use they Key to open the Box with THAT NUMBER!"

"Where is it?"

"Where is what?"

"Oh, nevermind."

Ring-ring!

"Edwin?"

"The door to the box opened and a package is inside.
What am I supposed to do with it?"

"Is it from Great Britain?"

"Uh...well...there's a crown, and lots of stickers...and...

"THAT'S IT! PLEASE BRING IT, DON'T LET IT GET WET."

"What am I supposed to do with the key?"

"It will automatically stick in when you close the door."

"Really? How's that work?"

"Please stop talking, cover the package so it doesn't get wet, and bring it back as soon as possible. We have been waiting and are so excited, just hurry and don't let it get wet! Thanks."

"What do I do with the - "

ZZZZZzzzzzz.........................!

So, Edwin brought the Magic Package. It was a surprise from Fairy!
It was supposed to bring Fairy Magic...but...would it,
would it really?"

Stay tuned for: "As The Key Turns" to be continued...

(P.S. no headache today...just sayin')

IS RAJ A PEEPING-PIG?!

Precious Fairy, you are SO BEAUTIFUL, how can you deny
me even a tiny peep...please think this through...O.K. you've
had enough time, may I peak since you know I love you?

Look, Fairy, mom combed the coronet crowning the top
of my head just for you and we got our nail trims
yesterday, but what's this wonderful foot lotion
you have there?
"MOM! WE NEEDZ YOU! WHY WE
DON'T GET FOOT RUBS WITH FAIRY'S
WONDERFUL FOOT LOTION?"

(you have to actually see Fairy's ENTIRE post,
it will SO DELIGHT AND INSPIRE!)

"Raj, darling, would you actually take a bath
first, because that is what Fairy does..."

no.

{And yet another stunning photograph of Fairy swiped without
permission by the Piracy Banditos of PandasPigSanctuary:
No scruples, none! Not now, not ever, NEVER!}

You can catch Fairy taking her spa by clicking on her blog
link posted to your right! Unless you live in
New Zealand, in which case it would be to...your...duh...hmmm.

YumYum Gets SCRUNCHIED!

YumYum loves his new snow-flake hut
in GuineaElfVillage!
And now mom has finally found THE
SCRUNCHY-SPOT after years of
chin scrunchies she never got
his lower lip to just fall down
in blissful relaxation,
exposing his Chompers...

Oh, no, that isn't to say we haven't
seen his chompers BEFORE, it's just
that this time they aren't stuck
IN SOME THING
OR
SOMEONE...
So our appraisal of SnowFlake apres ski Hut
in GuineaElfVillage is a resounding
OMMMMMmmmmmmmmmmmmm..........

OH, ONCE THERE WAS A BARN OWL...AND MOLLY WAS HER NAME

Molly the Owl perched atop her shelf at the only retail bookstore carrying her, far as we know: Village Books in Bellingham, WA. Eric sent a box of books and a million magic feather bookmarks...
all of which are nearly gone! She was a hit with the nature-loving avid, caffeinated readers of the Pacific Northwest...and the Magic Feather bookmarks  flew out the door!

Molly had a way about her: everywhere she flew, MODS around the world threw Cyber- Pajama Parties each cozy in our flannel owl p.j.'s replete with GOODIES GALORE!

And Molly taught us that being an "ordinary barn owl"
was something to celebrate...and we MODS discovered
just how extraordinary she really is and we are hoping
for another clutch in 2012, be still our beating hearts.
Your MODS have kept the faith, Molly!

Props to Eric Blehm and Chris Adams for this
beautiful, true story, and Molly, there never
really was anything ordinary about you!

        You were just being modest, weren't you?

We dreams of Owls Flying...
on Thanksgiving, dropping thanks to those who
have been and continue to give you to loved ones
and villagers around the world!
(See Eric Blehm's FACEBOOK about Molly's international
travels to orphanages in Africa and around the world
where copies are being donated to children
falling as much in love with her as we have.)

Good Night. Sleep Tight.

ThanksPigginPig

Our dear friend south o'here, mk_wa sent us the most perfect picture to capture the spirit of our Pilgrim Pigs about to embark on a New Voyage of Discovery! None of knows what it is yet, but it seems to involve a long-distance romance between our Mask-faced, long-tail-feathered Raj Mahal and a certain Brit named Fairy...the Vicar of Dibley and Winnie the Pooh are also involved, as is Fairy cake-baking, inventing, and an entire host of FairyDusted lovely endeavors leading up to the OlympiGs in London in 2012!

Considering we (sort of, in part, at least kind of) hosted the 2010 WINTER Olympigs in Vancouver, B. C. we are veterans and are here to avail our knowledge of OlympiG Competitions with our Fairy.

(And mum's eyes closed a long time ago.)

Happy Thanksgiving. Why? Because we have every single one of you in our lives!
MIRACLE OF MIRACLE! PapaPie, Gizmomma, so many... it's been a year of
challenges, trials and unimaginable tribble-ations yet here we still are: ALIVE!

Thanks, mk, for such a great pic. Don't blow'way like we are up on the border, dear, and
smooches to 4PAWS. Thank all of you for understanding our limited time online until mom better.

Love,
WHO DO YA THINK AFTER ALL THESE YEARS, HUH?
TAKE A WILD GUESS?
OH, YOU'RE NOT SURE?
REALLY?

"Yum-Yum, dear, was there rum in your fruit cake, sweetheart?"

"no,er, no. good-night, mom, it's just your headache, we love you."

"You're still my boy, Yum-Yum, please wish everyone our love."

"mom, you know we will, you just lie down now, yes, and get that
ice pack just right, oh there you go, mom, you'll feel better in NO TIME!"

"sweet dreams then, piggies."

"nighty-night, mom."

YUM-YUM:
"O.K. WHO SNITCHED ABOUT THE
RUM IN THE FRUIT CAKE?!
GONNA GETCHA, GONNA GETCHA GOOD!"

WHO NEEDS A PUPPIE? (hee-hee)

We of the Guinea Pig Nation
have hereby herewith
chosen to use our
5 Minutes
Bequeathed Upon Us
By The Royal Egg-Timer
to Inform the Public
That these boxer Puppies
are for sale...
And ConniEEE
misses her precious SHORTS
yet is not convinced
that the dark-muzzled puppy
all warm and floppy and
waiting for his special forever home
with Connie...
should have his dream come true.
We respect that. We can't adopt
every single guinea pig in need
of a forever home.
We simply wish we could.
Just like the puppy wishes
he could.
But, let's get practical because,
if love is ANYTHING,
it's practical!
Not impulsive.
Uh-UH!

Listen, we only report the news.
We are NOT an advice column!
The "comments column"
is for THAT!

LOVE YOU, CONNIEEEEEEE...
what did you name him?
OH, RIGHT, HE'S NOT YOURS TO NAME.
yet, yet, not yet, but he could be, he really could be, perhaps he should be, perhaps he will be, whada we know?
DEAR READERS,
WHAT SAY YE?!

MUM'S THE WORD!

{Photo of Fairy courtesy of her people. Who we
just may have, once again, forgotten to ask permission to use.
In a slightly altered form...We BAD: so better get to copyRighting our wrongs!
 Ta-Ta!}

Sometimes, when mom goes missing

as she does with her migraines,

we get bored.

So, we like to play with her computer.
And one of our favorite blogs is one 
you simply
MUST ENJOY WITH US!
www.fairymagic.me
because there's nothing like
a little magic
when you love a little fairy!
(please press link under
My Blog List to the right!)

Mom's Brain...on Migraines

You know how it feels when something in the wiring

goes terribly wrong and you don't get to land on the moon

after all?

We don't. But mom not feeling good.

She feels how this looks.

We'll be back soon, that's a promise!

(After all, Houston got Apollo 13 back!)

Just got kinda dicey for awhile there...you know?

We have news, though, BIG NEWS...so, later!

OOPSIE!

HAPPY 28th ANNIVERSARY, MOUNTAIN DEMONSTRATORS!

First, for the sake of her family, BFF Susan is the paragon of virtue.

However, things rapidly deteriorate once she getZ her BuZZ ON!
(Not to mention the family! OMG! Just look at them!)

Finally, the Real Deal: when preparing for the High Country:
THIS IS HOW SHE DO IT!
If you are a mountaineering piggie,
you know that much is made of learning survival skillswhen out in the backcountry.

Things such as avalanches, falling into tree-wells, getting lost in a white-out, getting lost because you're with a guy who refuses to ask for directions,
getting lost because although he brought a compass...he never learned to use it,
beyond saying: "Well, it works! Look, everytime I move it, the red thing points in the same direction." Getting lost because the same guy raced up the mountain ahead of you in his crampons,
with no ice axe to arrest a fall, you don't have a clue where he is, dusk is rapidly falling as the pinkish alpenglow fades,
and he was too damn cheap to buy walkie-talkies, so you are already planning to return those
crampons to the store and never, ever
letting him have another pair!
And he's real lucky nobody 
got an ice axe!

Not that any of those things have
EVER HAPPENED
TO MOM.
Although she now lives alone, with us...hmmm?


The snows have come early, our ski lodge is open, and this post is about mountain preparedness.

EDITOR: "LESSON #1: ditch the guy!"

Mom, not always about you...
(mom: yes, it is.)

MT. BAKER IS NOW OPEN FOR BIZNESS!

MOUNTAIN PREPAREDNESS 101:
IT'S ABOUT THE COFFEE!
THANKS TO BFF Susan, David, and Ami
for their Backcountry-Demonstration-Preparedness
demonstration-demonstration skills! (slu*&&^rp)
David, in real life, was a climbing instructor
up in Alaska and one of the original
founders of Marmot Mountain Works.
Susan met him at a mountaineering class.
(Actually, they met twice in their lives,
on two separate occasions in two different
places with entirely different people
around them, it's quite the
"Meant To Be" love story!)

But Lesson #1 is LESSON #1:
YOU ARE ONLY AS SAFE AS
YOU ARE CAFFEINATED!
Otherwise, you are simply a blob, like you see below,
in your stylish ski togs...
a blob.

TAJ MAHAL DECLARES...

"I have nothing to declare except my genius."

      ~ Oscar Wilde

On behalf of Taj Mahal, and his bi-colored lower lip,
featured in this month's issue of Guinea Pig Magazine.

You may refer to Taj informally as "Chocolate SwirlyFudgeBoy"

Pomegranate Haz-Mat Suits

Ye flavorful, exotic fruit.
Thy colors strange, thy berries cute!
You're sometimes sour, sometimes sweet;
Pomegranates stain our feet!
Now we don our special suits
To keep from staining feetz with fruits.


"The Pomegranate"
~  from "Ruminations on Fruit: Vol. 1"
by Calvin the Small