Panda's First Smile

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Sunday, June 3, 2012

Thank You, Thank You! THANK YOU!

 
LET THE RUMINATING STOP HERE AND NOW!
To my dear friend who told me last winter when I was in the hospital and the guinea pigs were dying slow, torturous deaths that I was too cracked
to be his friend anymore and to never contact him again,
it is O.K. It just (six months later) sunk in that we weren't 
really friends, because everyone else worldwide, even those whom I had just met in India all reached out a hand to lift me up while you pointed your shooting scope into my heart and
shot hurtful words with a sniper's accuracy.
Real friends don't do that.
I thought we were friends is all.
It has taken six months for the wounded heart to begin healing
at long last, so
Farewell, my dear one. 
Am I cracked as you described in a cruel, accusatory way?
OH, QUITE SO, Dear. 
DOES THAT MAKE ONE AS UNLOVEABLE
AS YOU MADE ME OUT TO BE?
I WILL NO LONGER ASK MYSELF THAT 
QUESTION FOR CRACKED ONES ARE MORE
TO MY TASTE: EVEN IF PERFECTION SUITS
YOU MORE, I WILL NEVER BE A PERFECT BORE.
ONLY A CRACKED RIDDLE.


i was ill and in the dark night of inconsolable grief.
i was and remain human. and humane.
and for that offer no apology. love can hurt.
losing so many of my precious pigs at once
was utterly devastating. not to mention doctors
trying to farm me out into a nursing home rather
than deal with me...yet i was blessed to return home
and receive compassionate care here!
it was my babies dying who not only cracked,
but utterly SMASHED what remained of a sick,
vulnerable body. And a world of lovers were there
by my side through the whole thing, over the Internet,
the phone, 
the mail,
they made sure I had a safety net of Love
through which I would NOT FALL!
They reached out with resources and sacrificed
their own for me. They demonstrated true,
selfless love, selfless giving...who and what
I wish to become! My heroes...you will see
them on the blog, in the comments, yet many
will remain anonymous. As their humility
insists upon it. And those you see here,
MOST HUMBLE, MOST GENEROUS SOULS!


Finally...I am ready to move on with no
bitterness or sadness, even; cherishing
IMMENSE
GRATITUDE
to have learned that TRUE FRIENDS
LOVE THE CRACKS as well as the whole!
And ECSTATIC to have so many TRUE Friends.
YOU PRECIOUS LOVERS OF ALL THINGS GREAT AND SMALLKNOW WHO YOU ARE!!!!!!!!!!!!!
YOU MAKE ME LAUGH, YOU WIPE MY TEARS,
YOU SEND FUNNY PICTURES, YOU DO EVERYTHING YOU CAN TO LOVE UNCONDITIONALLY EXPECTING ABSOLUTELY
NOTHING IN RETURN BUT HAVE EARNED MY
UNDYING LOYALTY...(HEE-HEE, STUCK WITH ME,
LIKE IT OR NOT, FOR i LOVE YOU, TOO!)
*******************************************
Farewell, word-sharpshooter and thank you for the intersection in our lives where our cracks did fit together like pieces in a colorful, whimsical, puzzle of Childlike Innocence. It was sweet while it lasted.
'Twas only a crossroads, though, I see that now.
Be Happy and Prosper. Please try to be kind.
I will, too.
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2 comments:

  1. What a wonderful set of words, dear Chana . . . And may we just say we feel privileged to have YOU as a friend, even though there are many miles between us we feel as close to you as . . . . Well, as though you are here, and you ARE - in our hearts :)))))))

    Good friends don't judge, they support anda are there when you need them and there in all the in between times, there to share the joy and the sorrow . . .

    I know I am not the only one here who is really glad we met you! Xxx

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  2. (((Huggagles))) My favorite cooking vessel is my yellow Dutch oven from Belgium. It was an elaborate purchase by my mother. I cherish it because it was hers and because it too, has a large crack. I have made many soups and meals for my friends when the are ill, or sad and grieving. Flaws are what make us human and shape our characters. Flawed people are much more interesting. Had the oven been perfect, mom would have been unable to purchase it, and I would not have it to remember her and nourish my friends. So, to my cracked friend, Chana- You are one of the most interesting people I know AND I cherish YOU!

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