Calvin Enjoys International Acclaim!

Any pig but our lil'Calvin the small would be popcorning his Happy Dance all over mom's face! But not our Calvin. Although this is his first appearance in the only Guinea Pig Magazine IN THE WORLD, selling Internationally out of England, it won't be his last! In fact, many of us are going to be gracing not only the pages, but the COVER (Taj takes first honors - who'd have thunk it?)

for issues to come.

Not only that, but apparently our beautiful countenances are also to be found on an English version of the infamous Cafe Press, and we are now magnets and lots of stuff we haven't seen because Alison, the editor, is putting together a package to send mom from Across the Pond where, apparently, the Queen herself is now turning out lights to save money on her electric bill. Just sayin' (don't ask us why, we just says stuff, deal wid it!)

We are now also appearing on cards at Artisan's Gallery, too! SQUEEEEEEE!

WE LOVE US!

This has been MacNutPie reporting for YumYum who continues to recover his strength...

If you love Hooli-Pigs, please check our link to Guinea Pig Magazine and play
"make the piggie popcorn and poo"
on Alison's way fun web-site!

Love,
mom says I am getting chubby and I have hired the AGLU to represent
me in the case of prejudicial slurs referencing the obese Hooli-Pig as "Hey, you fatty-boy!"
MacNut OUT!

BUSTED!

Taj Mahal, hey, save some parsley for the rest of us! We all need Vitamin C.
"But you don't see me. I am invisible: You can't find me!"
Whatever. Just save us some, got it?
"You're the boss, YumYum, you're the boss."
MUNCH, MUNCH, MUNCH...

Guinea Pig Miracles!

Yesterday, it looked like we were going to lose our precious, precocious YumYum...He had had a seizure or something, was stiff, then limp, and mom just...well, you know. She held him much of the day in my special blanket which I donated to keep him warm and close to her. She was so upset at the bleakness of it all and there was little we could do.

Friends, special friends, were sympathetic. So she didn't feel so alone. Special shout-out to ConniElfPie and MommyDearest for "being there." It helped.

Then, the oddest thing happened. She was scrubbing the kitchen floor last night in an attempt to liberate us from the tyranny of the flies which had taken over while she worked at the art gallery last week instead of cleaning the kitchen...or anything else, for that matter. And she had the computer on the floor in a desperate attempt to find anything funny or comedic to make her laugh.

Somehow, she came across a photograph of "Shorts" ConniElfPie's beloved boxer, wearing a green St. Patrick's Day derby! He passed one year ago next month. And she wanted to hug Shorts because he was so funny with those soulful eyes and derby, but she wanted to cry for Connie because of the impending First Year Anniversary of his passing.

When she went back into the bedroom, YumYum was scrambling all over his cage, demanding his Runabout! He popcorned and zoomed through the maize, stopping to stand on his hind legs and visit the Mahal brothers before actually slipping through the one hole in the fort that mom had neglected. It allowed him to hide, rest, pee, and poo beneath her nightstand...which is how she found him, as proud as can be!

IT WAS MIRACULOUS! The only "medicine" he was given was love. He was held, stroked gently, spoken to in whispers, and got lots of scrunchies not only on his chin but along his achy back, where his mohawk was straight up and personal!

This morning he seems back to his feisty, old self.

We've been experiencing these ups and downs with YumYum long enough now not to take anything for granted other than the deep inner knowing that every moment with him, with every single one of us, is a gift which will inevitably end...as will Mom, for that matter. It helped her to think of that. "YumYum, you aren't the only one who is going to die, because one day I am going to die, too." Somehow, she found that liberating, and a great weight was lifted.

Thank you all for "being here" for us as you have been and we know you will continue to be. YumYum's a fighter and obviously not eager to relinquish his role as Chief of the Herd. We need your prayers and know we have them.

And are grateful for each and every one of our friends, and especially for Connie's beloved "Shorts" who seemed to have done something mystical to re-invigorate a dying guinea pig yesterday.

God giveth and God taketh away. Nonetheless, we remain grateful for every second of every day he allows our loved ones to remain with us. Provided they aren't suffering.

This was Calvin reporting. Did you know even guinea pigs can tear up when miracles happen? We all know that I am one, too...

God bless us, every one.

VET TALK, AGAIN? SERIOUSLY!

Well, she at it again! Fortunately, it Saturday and the vet closed or we would be there by now even though she barely able to get her own carcass out of bed! She thinks I had a seizure or "neurological event" and now that woman got tears in her eyes...such THEATRICS!

True, she was sitting, comatose, in her big blue, stuffed chair and heard a large THUD! from the bedroom. Usually, it means either one of the Mahals or Coconut has somehow managed to knock a water bottle out of its holder, no easy task...not this time.

It was me and it frightened mom. I was standing up on my hind legs with my front feet HIGH on my bars staring into the Mahals' cage, unmoving. She had recently trimmed my toenails so knew I hadn't gotten stuck because of that but I didn't move when she came in, didn't even blink. She thought I looked frozen! I was stiff, in shock, havin' a seizure, a stroke, such a vivid imagination, that one!
Mom pried the bars outta my stiff toes, still without any movement, then held me against her, and I finally began to move...she then placed me in Calvin's special blanket in his special kitty bed and gave me a piece of the banana she was mushing up for a meal...and found out the vet closed and she could only contact them online...knowing that the emergency vets "on call" only do more harm to guinea pigs because small "exotics" require VERY, VERY different care than cats and dogs, donkeys, and goats. So, there is no one who can help, and even the vet up North closed at three and she not well enough to drive that far today. Nobody till Monday.

So, now she carrying me around like a Baby Bunting and I feel so lousy I don't even mind. Her and me today, looks like...and her stupis crying. She trying not to by...well, she betta try HARDER!

But, since I AM THE CHIEF ALPHA PIG, BLOG EDITOR, AND ONLY REMAINING ORIGINAL PIGULA FROM THE "ART FARM GUINEA PIG NATION" back on the Wildlife Refuge, I have made provisions for the possibility that she might freak her freak.

Yes, inspired by Duke Donald and the Hooligans, this HooliPig been up to some o'my very own shenanigans! Must teach herd while able. This week outDID MYSELF, seriously, some epic WRONG-DOING on my part and could I BE any prouder? Methinks NOT! Read on, to see how, even in the (only "Possible" remember!) Twilight of my years, I remain UNEQUALLED AS A
HOOLI-PIG-PIRATE!

Psssssssst! Hear What Mom Did?!

Raj: "Taj, STEP AWAY FROM MY CARROT TOP! You may look like piece of chocolate with feet, but this MINE!"

Taj: "Raj, what if I made it worth your time to share your carrot top with me?"

Raj: "How?"

Taj: "Juicy gossip about mom!"

Raj: "Just HOW juicy?"

Taj: "Carrot-worthy, I assure you, and I am nothing if not a HooliPIG of my Word!"

Raj (rodents are easily overcome by curiosity!) "O.K. BUT THIS BETTA BE GOOD!"

Taj: "Oh, it is! You know how when mom starts getting sick, she does impulsive things she has no memory of while things she OUGHT to be doing, like washing the dishes, go undone?"

Raj: "Go on..."

Taj: "So, check THIS OUT! She made it to the Post Office a few times this week since she was going to the art gallery anyway..."

Raj: "Proceed..."

Taj: "And she brings home stuff...weird stuff! Stuff she don't know who order it, or when, or why!"

Raj: "Like what?"

Taj: "Oh man! The first thing she received was a DVD entitled, actually, this deserves a piece of the carrot, Raj, it THAT FINE!"

Raj: "Only a little bite until I hear the whole thing...WATCH IT! Betta be great intel!"

Taj: "So she brings home a little box and opens it AND IT A DVD - OH, I IZ KEELING MYSELF STILL LAUGHING, a DVD entitled: "How To Look Great Naked!" I SWEAR!

Raj: "Oh, that worth a whole bite of carrot...HERE, tell more!"

Taj: "So she really freaked out and tried to donate it - to all places - the Assistance League Thrift shop but them a lot of... shall we say... older gentlewomen...AND THEY DOESN'T WANT IT, EITHER!"

Raj: "What happened to it?"

Taj: "Who knows? But now the company keep sending mom a bill for "How to Look Great NAKED!" and she saying she didn't order that cuz guinea pigs don't care how she look - "

Raj: "Well, sometimes we might care...I mean, there's only so much room to hide our eyes in a cuddle-cup to keep from turning into a pillar of salt when she gettin' dressed, y'know! What else ya got?"

Taj: "Next thing, she bring home another little box from the Post Office..."

Raj: "This is getting good! What it?"

Taj: "The CD soundtrack from "Flashdance" and she, like: "HUH?! Who sent me this? Why somebody sending me things like this?"

Raj: "Well? Who doin' it?"

Taj: "How much it worth to ya?"

Raj: "Fine, another bite of the carrot and carrot-top appetizers."

Taj: "Deal! Who knows who doin' it? MOM, WE THINK! SHE BUY STUFF IN HER SLEEP!"

Raj: "Anything else?"

Taj: "Yeah, on Thursday she received her first copy of - are you ready for this? -
"Better Homes and Gardens" magazine along with an invoice for the subscription!"

WAH! (All HooliPIGZ within earshot drop on the floor of their cages hysterical, doing barrel-rolls, popcorning, laughing so hard! BETTER HOMES AND GARDENS?! THIS PLACE NEEDS A HAZ-MAT TEAM. AND THEY WOULD CONDEMN  IT IN A MINUTE!

Calvin squealed: "IN A NANO-SECOND!"

Raj and Taj: "Calvin, you don't have to show off, but it TRUE!
"BETTER TRASH AND MORE TRASH" or "Gardening for Flies and
Beautiful Bottom-Feeding Carp Pond!" Now THAT I could see!
But, Better Homes and Gardens?! OMG! Like THAT GONNA HELP! 
Piggies unite in maniacal laughter! 
Yet YumYum only looks on, quietly...hmmmm...



Taj: "Well, it been going on this whole week, from the "How to Look Good Naked" DVD to a subscription of "Better Homes and Gardens" and how to coax squadrons of flies OUT DIS SO-NOT-BETTER HOME,  while dancing to "She's a Maniac, Maniac..." from Flashdance! What a week, when mom gets sick, everything goes all CHAOTIC/EXOTIC/QUIXOTIC for us here: EPIC OFF THE CHARTS OF MADNESS!

Calvin: "Shouldn't somebody protect her from herself?"

Taj: "Oh, that what her MOD friends iz s'posed to do!"

Raj: "I rate their efforts: EPIC FAIL!"

Taj: "Don't be so hard on them MODS,  they lurves her, but only so much a MOD
can do besides laugh!" They ain't got SuperbPowers!

And all the guinea pigs laughed while mom dreamt her HoolipigZ were nominating
her for awards and cash prizes on beautiful sunny days in Paradise where she could wear a bikini and look really hot while dancing to..."

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
YumYum: "Mu-ah-Ha-HAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaaa! DIS HERE da work of a HooliPIG-Pirate still at the TOP O'HIS GAME!" Who loves ya, baby?
"She's a mani-AC, MAIN-I-AC..."

The Good, The Bad, and The Paintings...

Yo, it's me, YumYum with some good news for me! Mom let me go "Runabout" this morning, and - knowing that a trip to the vet depended upon my performance now that I am a "free agent" I popcorned and scurried, and squealed with Joy and really puttin' on the Ritz enough for her to think I not so sick after all, and mebbe she just needs to put me back in my EXTRA large cage...but the talent scouts all gave my performance a "Peep-Hole's Judge" Award so Inot havin' to go to vet. Squeeeeeeeee!

The bad news is mom DID! Her doctor down in another county and it wiped her out, even though he her favorite doc and he gave her a shot of prednisone so now she can stop rubbing MINE all over herself. She not well and think good thing she got our fresh-food provisions yesterday cuz we think she gonna be horizontal next few days or until, and unless, those steroids pick her up...oh well, betta her than me, what say ye? Why, SQUEEEEE! Of course!

The other news...these are two miniature paintings she made about eight years ago and think that what her head feeling like, just full o'wild animals runnin' amok behind her eyes and neck and whole achy-breaky bod and, readers, we DO feel for her...we feel BETTER HER THAN ME?! What say Ye? We say "SQUEEEEEEE!" O.K. so my bad!

She down for the count, I not goin' to the vet, and Taj promise to teach us ALL HOW TO ESCAPE! And the International Guinea Pig Magazine gonna put more pictures of us in it, and when she better, she gonna show pics from this issue...plus we now on magnets and merchandise like the British Cafe Press only they sell Princess Beatrice's fascinator for guinea pigs now! What say ye, mate? Wanna guinea pig procrastinator?! Wheek!

Say good night, mom.

"Blah, uh, wah, mmmmmmmmm, huh?"

Good mom.

Who loves ya, Baby? YumYum, crafty, sinister, PIRATE OF A PIG, YumYum, baby! OH YEAH!
P.S. When mom better, remind her to tell the story about the black squirrel who dashed into the

gallery yesterday! What a riot...

ME SICK LIKE BRUISED BANANA

Hi Y'all, it's me, YumYum, and mom is annoying me. She is gettin' it all in her head that I am doing poorly (or as they say in England, I am a "poorly pig") because I have become lethargic. Well, that might be true. And my spine is fusing and some tumors are larger and we don't know whether or not I have cancer but the vet said if I did we'd of known a LONG time ago and I wouldn't be here describing how much mom is annoying me. I know she is going to take me back to the vet, she think

I don't know what she sayin' on the phone? Is O.K. I just gonna pee squirting horizontal on him and his tie, like last time, no problem! I is fine, just relaxin' me banana-man, goin' a little Jamaica, mon. That woman gets so worked up. Oh Bloody Hork, here she comes with that condescending, "Hey, sweetie, how ya doin'? Wanna snuggle?" Momma, don't make me pee on you like that, you betta watch it! That is all. She is annoying me, probably taking me to the vet, and is speaking in soft, soothing tones that make me feel viscious inside. WANNA CHEW SUMPIN' ARGH, LIKE A PIRATE!

Hmmm...hey, guess who escaped the Runabout this morning and walzed back into the bedroom maze? Taj! Ha! Mom set up a "corral" for the Runabout in the living room but he just 'scaped it cuz he loves the maze and visiting with us, so she was sitting on the bed looking at me when Taj just walzes by and starts playing in the maze and she goes, "Hello Taj, WHAT?!"

We laughed so hard she let Raj in, too, but didn't feel good so she didn't bring in the fence so they run all over wherever they want and peed everywhere to mark new Territory. Take THAT mom, we love you. I still feel like a Pirate! Argh!

From "South Park" Scene Posted Below!

                                                     GuineaSaurusRex!

Pandemic 2: The Startling (Season 12, Episode 11) - Full Episode Player - South Park Studios

Pandemic 2: The Startling (Season 12, Episode 11) - Full Episode Player - South Park Studios

^^^ ^^^

It's worth enduring the commercial to watch this brilliant episode starring real live

guinea-saurs...hysterical!

"Guinea Pigs...all over...need to stop them..."

"Guinea Pigs? Geez, this thing is world-wide! Look at that thing?

What are we going to do?"
                                             ~Quotes from "South Park: The Startling" LOL!

Trust Homeland Insecurity not to solve the terror wreaked by the Guinea-Saurs~

Guinea-Saurus-Rex

Mom is getting me this cool Halloween costume, yeah, the same exact one used on "South Park" by creators Trey Parker and Matt Stone ("Book of Mormon" Broadway, yeah, dat dem!) for their terrifying episodes in which GuineaSaurs wreak havoc and mayhem on the South Parkers! This is GUARANTEED to win my darling Millie Bea's heart, providing she don't see me on South Park...killer-funny,  but not the stuff of wooing...

Big Shout-Out to Cuddly Cavies for creating my special costume.
Big, Big Shout-Out to Trey Parker and Matt Stone for the best episodes of "South Park"
using real, live GUINEA-SAURS!
And delicate whispers and woos to my dear Millie Bea up in Wisconsin...
Am I handsome or AM I HANDSOME?!

Who loves ya, Baby?
YumYum loves ya!

Jens Custom Crafts LLC - Satisfied Customers

Jens Custom Crafts LLC - Satisfied Customers

^^^You have GOT TO SEE THESE stunning soft, plush,

moisture-wicking, luxurious items hand designed, made,

and created in all ways by our new special friend, Jen, who

also donates a portion of every month's profits to smaller

sanctuaries to help keep them going! She is AMAZING

and the only problem we are having, after ordering and

receiving 3 of her cuddle-cups and one tunnel is...

well, see our next post. It's not pretty. Some piggy's

mommy better get those cards into that gallery NOW!

But whether you own a cat or a hedgehog, a ferret or a

very, very, very small pony, these products are the best

gift you can give to your little bundle of joy. (You might

need a private consultation, depending on just how small

your horse actually is...)

Please enjoy her custom crafts as much as our piggies are!

Thank you, Jen!

The TUNNEL!

"Mom, what dis? What dis? Not the carrot, DIS THING?"
"GIMME da carrot, please..."

"HOLY HORK-PIE, BRO'S, THIS LOOKS SPOOKY, LIKE SOME KINDA HALLOWEENY THINGY! ANY CARROTS LEFT? ALL I SEE IN THERE IS YOUR POO!"

HA! HA! HA! LOOKS LIKE "FAT ALBERT" THE SCAREDY-PIG STUCK IN THE WRONG TUNNEL! LIKE WINNIE-THE-POOH! HE BETTER RECONSIDER THAT NEW THINGY!
WAAAAH, SQUEEEEE, HE SO FUNNY!

You didn't have to laugh at me like that, but, FINE,
I'll reconsider my options from the OUTSIDE!

Then solicit solid Intel from Secret Agent Raj Mahal,
code name Secret Agent Raj Mahal...
"So, buddy, whaddya think o'dat new tunnel thingy?"

"Hmmm, me thinketh thou shalt get thyself to a nunnery while I stake my claim on the Tunnel for MYSELF! CAPICHE?"

"Oh, YEAH, Baby, OHhhhh YEAH! THIS ONE FINE PLACE FOR A SECRET AGENT, CODE NAME,RAJ MAHAL!"

"EXCUSE YOU? Just cuz I's a girl don't mean I not a contender! Get OUT, you nasty thing. This tunnel is so soft it obviously meant for pigs of delicate persuasion and discriminating taste."

Hmmm...OH, How I love being me.

HEY, I SAID GET OUT,  WHAT PART OF THAT DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND,  oh lovely Raj. You look especially dapper today, by the way, in case I neglected to mention it during tea, dahling.

No hope. Why try? They just laugh at me like I have no feelings, but I do have feelings and right now I feel hurt,lonely, sorrowful, and - do I look fat in this? Thanks, didn't think so. Wait a minute, I have a plan!

I have thunketh uppeth Oprah's Next Big Thang!

"Finally~ZZZZZzzzzzzzzzZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz."

"Uh, Drrrr....huh? WHAT? My head getting squashed! Owwie!"

"Hee-Hee, Hi-Ho, And Here I go! I am MacNutPie and shall not be publicly dishonored! I will be in the Tunnel and stake a claim upon It for myselfeth! 
Raj, hope you have an escape route! Hidey-Ho,
bro, it's time to go! Muah-Ha-HAAh!"

"Raj, Raj? I can't hear you? Are you still in there?"


Silence. 


"MmmmRrrrmrumph...maybe, kinda, sorta, dunno really..."

HA! PATIENCE COMES TO ALL WHO WAIT.
OR, IF YOU WAIT FOR PATIENCE THou'z TUNNEL DOTH COMETH FORTH-WIdTH WELCOMING such Luxurious FLEECE...or, just:

HOORAY FOR ME! SquEEEEee!

The End!