It is 2 p.m. on Valentine's Day and Raj's broken heart remains inconsolable and he is now embracing death, no longer even
wanting his carrot juice. He is on the other side of the living room
from Vinny and YumYum and has been placed into a new cage
with a newly laundered cuddle cup but to no avail. I am going to
get him an active, curious, adorable one-year-old male guinea pig
as a last attempt to save his life. It is the only thing left to do and
he is displaying no symptoms of pneumonia, only lethargy and
grief. If he responds to his new friend the way he responded to
Vinny Guinea and begins to take food and drink, he will live, I am
certain of it. If not, this will be remembered as the Valentine's Day
Guinea Pig Massacre. And when strong enough, I will go to my
mountain and scream and howl until I am too hoarse for any more
sounds to come out and too dehydrated for any more tears to fall
and will rub mud on my face and go all tribal and cover myself
with leaves and lie down and watch clouds go by to remind myself
of the impermanence of Life and why we must invest in being as
completely present in the moment because it is the Moment Itself
that is actually the PRESENT we are Gifted.


You are all so much more than I have a right to ask for, each appearing in your own special ways at the exactly right times,
it has been too perfect to have been orchestrated by anyone
less than God, which Itself deepens my Faith that all the Little
Buddhas rest blissfully in the Lap of the Incarnation of Compassion
Himself...


Happy Valentines Day and at no time in my 55 years on planet
Earth have I felt more loved than on this day, this week, this
month, this year: YOU ARE THE PRESENCE BLESSING
ME WITH YOUR PRESENCE AND THE SHEDDING OF
YOUR OWN TEARS WHICH RUN INTO THE OCEAN OF
DIVINE LOVE FOR ALL LIVING BEINGS, OUR LITTLE BROTHERS AND SISTERS, AND ONE ANOTHER.

      I do fear for Raj today...

Love,

Chana 

Hanging On By A Thread

Late last night when I finally succumbed to sleep
and placed Raj back into his cage, the first thing
he did was walk weakly to the spot where his
beloved CocoNutPie had gone to die. He stayed
there awhile which made me think he was going
to die there, too.
So, I stayed awake, crying.
After awhile, he walked weakly back into their 
snowflake hut, also searching for her.
She was not there, either. I thought he would die.
Upon waking this morning, I thought he was dead.
But he stirred just a little.
He is the weakest I have seen him.
He has been separated from Vinny,
lost his brother from whom he had never been
apart his entire life then lost CocoNutPie.
If anyone had a fighting chance to survive,
it was Raj Mahal, but now his heart is broken
and his will to live broken, as well.
Antibiotics will not fix that.
As he is not presenting signs of pneumonia,
the only chance of survival available to
him is placing him in the living room
on the opposite side of the room from
Vinny and YumYum where he can at
least hear them.
I can't in good conscience bring him
a healthy new baby to befriend him...not yet.
But once the vet gives him a clean bill of health,
Raj is getting a new friend.
Since Vinny is the first and ONLY PIGGIE
YumYum has EVER taken to, I must leave
Vinny to YumYum, but it is almost spring
and there will be a bumper crop of new
guinea babies looking for good homes
and broken hearts to mend...
If only we can keep Raj alive long enough.


To each and every one of you who have offered
support in every form from comments, to emails,
offering to pay our vet bills, sending marmalade,
cyberhugs...phone calls, more than I can mention
because my physical therapist is almost hear
and I am still in my nightgown...


the tears I shed for you are tears of gratitude,
not tears of grief.


Love,
Chana

Who comprehends

the ways of Life and Death

but Rivers and Sky,

Mountains and Seas...

Lose five piggies in 2012,

Adopt six.

Hearts heal,

Their need for love

Endures forever.

(o.k. maybe be happy with 

what I have while this ill,

but know that if health

returns, the need will always

exist for more stewardship

and a reason to feel needed
which will keep me connected
forever to my near and dear
friends...you know who you
are for you have meeries
and a Fairy and your own
special little Buddhas...
and now you have me
forever!)

Good-Bye?

Raj Mahal drank fresh wheatgrass and carrot juice tonight, 
sleeping with me until I placed him back into his cage
just now at 1 a.m. He immediately went to the spot where
CoconutPie had gone to die and dwelt there awhile
before settling alone in their shared hut, not moving.
I do not think he has the will to live anymore and
would be surprised to find him alive in the morning
despite all efforts to save his life. Without Coconut,
he has lost the will to live and going first off to her
designated dying place to find her and not finding
her was heartbreaking. It appears he has chosen
to join her, his brother Taj, and the rest of the herd.
My sleep is sad already.
Good night, dear friends.
I have given myself permission to fall
apart tomorrow.
Thank you for your support, love, and compassion.
love,
Chana

OUR LAST NIGHT-VIGIL OR A NEW BEGINNING?

Today Raj has grieved, been still and silent, scurried about
on my lap drinking his carrot juice, and then succumbed to sadness,
asking to be placed back into the extra-large light blue snowflake
hut he shared with Coconut, where he grieved.
The vet never returned my plea for his Baytril but antibiotics
don't cure heartbreak so no big deal and I preferred having the time
to be with Raj anyway.


Last night we didn't have a good feeling about Coconut, staying up past one p.m. watching "Boston Legal" on Netflix until I couldn't keep my eyes open anymore, but she was relaxed on my tummy,
getting petted, combed, and hydrated with her carrot juice.


It just wasn't enough.


I can barely keep my eyes open and it's 8:30 p.m. Pacific Time
but Raj needs more feedings and I think I've watched all the episodes of "Boston Legal" so maybe I can find some of
"HOUSE" on HULU. And my psychic friend from India who contacts me every time a piggy passes also asked today were
they breathing O.K...I cannot remember which post from the
site I know him from but he always senses each time we lose 
a pig and has never been wrong. 


Today, Lashes and Janie both called. Both times, Raj was
listless intially but by the end of each call, he was perky and
moving about, which brings the MOD HEALINGS TO 4.


And our dear friends Fairy and her family in England; 
dear Ingrid, Helmut
 and their eight
meeris in Bavaria... so much love...


It is Amazing Grace to find oneself in the
heart of loving consolation
while inconsolable.


If I wake up and Raj is gone tomorrow...
It is possible I will not be O.K.


Then I will take Raj and CoconutPie to a nearby
smallish mountain with a view of the San Juan Islands
and bury them together in the soft, velvety pillowcase 
CoconutPie is in instead of having them cremated and 
spread in the apple orchard with the others.
 I love this place in the nearby Chuckanut Mountains 
you can drive up to it on a rough, dirt road but I have 
all-wheel drive and after windstorms it resembles 
Mt. St. Helens, which is what I am beginning 
to resemble now.


And perhaps when I howl and scream - which I will - no one will hear "MY BABIES! MY BABIES! MY BABIES!"
Because it is rising rapidly to the surface,
grief gathering into a perfect storm,


a very loud scream
that will resemble
a pack of wolves,
inconsolable wolves
beneath a full moon in the 
woods on a mountain
with a view of islands
where killer whales
blow before spyhopping
and bears begin waking from hibernation
from all the noise as eagles
watch from safe, soaring heights and
clouds gather dark screams of grief
meant for no one else to hear.


"My BABIES!"


January 1, 2012
6 Dancing Piggies.
February, 2012,
Screams of Sorrow.
Cushioned by
Love of Friends.

LOOKING FOR COCONUT...

Having lost Coconut overnight, Raj appears
to have given up his own fight.
I have gotten more freshly squeezed, organic
carrot juice along with another cup including
spinach and parsley plus the pulp from each
juicing to entice him to begin even tasting
solid food, yet he remains uninterested.
Nor have I eaten, so once I have, I will
spend the afternoon feeding and loving Raj.
The vet never called back about the Baytril
but who cares? They take it, they die.
They don't take it, they die.
They just die.
Raj was the one whose prospects were
brightest but since grief can kill the
hardiest pig, and I cannot put a new
baby of any kind in with a sick one,
there is no way to comfort him with
a new friend...I will be carrying him
around in the pouch of a thick, fleece
half-zip anorak like a kangaroo with 
her little joey. But if losing Coconut
impacts him hard enough...?


5 Words


"Breathe in Pain.
Exhale Grief."


Love, 
Chana

GOOD-BYE, BELOVED ONE

Why you, too?
We love you so...
FEBRUARY 13, 2012

Where IS Everybody?!

I may be little
and my name may be VinnyGuinea
but I know somebody is missing 
and it too quiet so I be driving YumYum crazy.
We wee, widdle winkles live to play
and make friends and I may not count good
but something is too quiet around here...
What is it?
Will YOU play with me?
Mom does!

SUNDAY UPDATE

Dear Friends,
Tonight we are still holding on to Raj and CocoNutPie
with feedings of organic carrot juice. Tomorrow we
will add a shot of wheatgrass, hoping they will get
more nutrition since wheatgrass is their favorite food
yet they continue to refuse hard food. CocoNutPie's
breathing can still be rapid and shallow at times,
although she is enjoying her carrot juice and being held.
So does Raj. Tomorrow I will ask the vet for Baytril,
an antibiotic used to treat pneumonia. She actually did
examine them along with Taj and MacNutPie since all
four had been housed together and exposed to other animals
but Raj and Coconut did not present symptoms until
later in the day, which saved their lives, for being at the
hospital (even the vet admitted) so stressed Taj that he 
succumbed shortly after his dear CocoNutPie.
Keeping them home, warm, cozy, held often, hydrated,
and somehow well-nourished with antibiotics appears
to be the most we can do and they are in quarantine
from YumYum and VinnieGuinea, who now have their
own, super-large play pen through which to run, play
chase, eat, drink, explore tunnels, huts, pigloos, 
cuddle-cups... and since it has no top,
petting and picking them up for frequent
snuggles is easy and fun for all of us.


It remains to be seen whether or not we will lose
two more pigs. They have a fighting chance, but
guinea pigs are funny...once they take sick,
cavies are one of the most difficult species to save.
They are unspeakably sensitive: emotionally, spiritually,
and physically. With no natural defenses, when they
still lived in the wild before being entirely domesticated, 
they would hide symptoms of illness so as not to appear
vulnerable to predators...they still do that.
Which is why we often never find out they are 
ill until it is already too late.


We love you all. Your emails mean so much,
I just can't answer them right now because once I start 
crying I can't stop and know you all understand.


Fairy, your mum's marmalade is the sweetest thing!
Second only to the fact that Raj and CocoNutPie
are still alive...with YumYum and VinnyGuinea!
love,
Chana

Moment of PRAYER dedicated to all in World of Animal Rescue and Friends

That is awfully suspicious looking...not sure I'm gonna like this.

Oh, wait a minute! Nom-nom, slurp-slurp...mmmm! Me likes it!

Ooooh! More! More! I want More! Give me more! More!

Oooooh, I haven't felt this way since I was a wee, suckling piglet.

Except now that I'm big, Drippage can be an issue so need more.

Once she realized it was freshly squeezed, organic carrot juice,
CoconutPie loved her feedings...and Raj tried to suck up so
much at one time it dripped all over him and his amounts
had to be carefully dosed!

MMMM...that carrot juice sure was good.

We will do our best to live. We are not out of the woods yet by a long-shot and so ill mom will not risk stressing us more by taking
us to the vet, but will call requesting antibiotics for our pneumonia.
All we have eaten is our carrot juice, no solid food. We are very
weak and limp so still sleep with mom until right before she
falls asleep then puts us back into our large, new pen without
a top adjacent to her bed (which we hope she stops falling
out of...but that's another story.)


We had written a poem/prayer to thank you.


Then mom erased it because she is in 
shock and grief, doing strange things.
Stranger than "normal" strange 
things we are already accustomed to...
Like learning how to say "watermelon" in Hindi.
(It's "tarbooz" in case you wondered.)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Ernest Hemingway once wrote the shortest 
short story in six words:
"For sale: Baby shoes, never worn."


Mom replaced our poem/prayer with one for
Calvin, MacNutPie, and Taj Mahal.


"Laughing eyes:
Ashes fertilize
Apple orchard."


We cannot express how deeply grateful we are to
each and every one of you for each and every
thought, word, prayer, deed, 
shipped-overseas jar of awesome, homemade marmalade, 
and breath of love you have and continue sending us.
Which is why we wrote you the poem/prayer
mom erased for no reason.


She said the best thing we could do
to show our gratitude to you is LIVE.


"We agree.
Breathe deeply:
Stand up."


(Six words.)


"Love You.
Two words.
Mean more."

JOURNEY OF "THE ENDURANCE"

Today we ate a little, drank fresh-squeezed, organic carrot
juice from a syringe squirter, and mom even caught us walking
around our cage instead of lying on our sides breathing rapidly, 
too weak to move, unable to stand, eyes glazed over. 


YumYum and GuineaVinny get to be in the living room but
we get to sleep with mom next to her bed! We sure hope the
worst is over...


Although once we defrost from so much loss (half the herd
since January 2nd, 2012) another "worst" may commence.
But we will have those of us who have survived to console
one another and we will be in your world-wide loving embrace.


For the first time this year, we have hope we shall endure.


If we make it though the night...


love you all.

THE GOOD, THE LOVE, AND THE HEALING

Today we woke up with CocoNutPie and Raj still fighting 
for their lives. Coconut's breathing was rapid and shallow,
her entire body so weak she was still rolling over
instead of lifting herself up, capable only of looking
into my eyes, not comprehending.


Raj was slightly stronger, but neither had eaten or taken liquid.


Last night, Coconut was dying in my arms until Connie and
I got on the phone together and somehow, inexplicably, she
began moving about a little bit, giving us hope.


Today, Marifan called when, again, Coconut was in my
arms breathing heavily and also having mild seizures that
we first noticed last night...My intention was to force-feed
her freshly-squeezed, raw, organic carrot juice but with
her breathing and weakness, I wanted to hold her.


While talking with Marifan, the same thing happened as
last night! Coconut rallied, began ambulating on all fours
in her blanket, and showed interest in life, moving around
despite her breathing problems. By the time Marifan and I
got off the phone, Coconut was a different piggie!


Two nights in a row.


Taking advantage of MAGIC phone
calls coupled with 
YOUR KIND, SUPPORTIVE,
LOVING, COMPASSIONATE,
EMAILS AND COMMENTS, I decided to take
advantage of the situation to force-feed her!


She is a big girl and even finding her mouth was
difficult as her "dew lap" (double chin) is so thick
and pronounced...but, using a needle-free, narrow
syringe, one squirt found its way between her
four front beaver teeth and back molars...


She tasted and tasted and tasted, taking her time
before making the Ultimate Decision: Yes, I will ask mom for more.


After that, she would take her little squirts, savoring the taste and
enjoyment of the carrots' sweetness, before holding out her
snout for another squirt until she was full.


IS THIS THE TURN-AROUND POINT, IS THE 
WORST OVER, IS SHE OUT OF THE WOODS?


While I do not know the answer, I have one thing to share,
and you already know what it is: 
They would not be alive if not for ALL of you.
They were "dead pigs walking" yesterday...
They lived the night.
They lived the morning.
It is now 5 p.m. Pacific Time and
I am going to give Raj his carrot juice.
Both of them are snuggled together in
their large, blue snowflake hut.


Just for the record, every single cuddle-cup, hut, tunnel,
bright orange carrot pillow, giant new run-around
enclosure they will share once well enough and
out of quarantine, are all gifts bestowed upon
us through YOUR generosity! So many loved ones
have sent the Sanctuary special items which enable
the piggies to enjoy the highest quality of life
possible and every one of you, from your loving
comments on this blog (especially from lurkers
bold enough to "out" themselves) to boxes
of Fairy Magic from England...to cash
donations and gifts from Jen's Custom Crafts
and CD3's and Millie Bea's Gigantic Cuddle Cup...
You all share this Sanctuary, it is yours to savor with us,
our joys as well as sorrows. We thank you.


P.S. GOOD NEWS!
Today Parker returned YumYum and VinnyGuinea 
who appear healthy (although Vinny does have a
runny nose) as they 1) were kept in a location
separate from the animals with pneumonia,
(Thank God!) and 2) were the only animals
who went to Parker's with their sleeping
bag, so they were able to stay warm.
It may have made a difference had the others
been able to sleep in their cuddle-cups, sleeping bags,
and huts but for reasons I don't understand, Parker
chose not to take them and I was in hospital and
unable to make those decisions. He did love
them very much and is also feeling upset...


So! Our Commander-in-Chief-of-Mayhem has found
his Doppelganger twin in young VinnyGuinea...
and is training him in all ways Mischievous.
To wit: When their new fabric hay trough was
installed (not sure how much, if any, hay they
were fed) Yoda YumYum and his youthful
VinnySkywalker were ecstatic!
As YumYum shoved his snout into the hole 
at the bottom of the trough, Vinny told him,
"AH, GET OUTTA HEAH ALREADY!"
before leaping approximately eight inches
into the air and over the top of the trough like
a pole-vaulter, sticking his landing amidst 
his very own Hay "Field of Dreams" where
he ate and ate until, full, hopped out before
scurrying back into their sleeping bag,
as if no one noticed what he had just done!


We pray neither of them present any symptoms of
illness and we have a quarantine going and
each cage contains two piggies consoling
one another in their grief so - exhausted -
we hope to soon exhale!


YOU WILL ALL BE THE FIRST TO KNOW
BECAUSE WHEN WE ARE ABLE TO EXHALE,
IT WILL BE IN A WHISPER AND, 
IF YOU LISTEN VERY CLOSELY,
YOU WILL HEAR YOUR NAME
IN OUR PRAYER OF GRATITUDE.


love,
Chana