HayToss ABSTRACTED

Have you any idea how hard it is having an artist for a mom?
See, I think this shows my good side.

But she reading all about Expressionism as being the
first real, Western style of painting that used animals to illustrate and illuminate Spirituality in nature. She loves Franz Marc's paintings of cows and horses. So, during the Hay Toss, she found this image closer to Spiritual Expressionism than my formal portraits. Personally...
I feel objectified.
So many fancy words and so little meaning...
now I understand why some of mom's "companions" did NOT enjoy gallery galas!
They speak GobbleDeeGoop!
With all due respect to artists, of course.
~)not really(~
See how easy it is to be weird and call it a fancy name?
What would you call my new performance piece:
~)not really(~
?
PLEASE VALIDATE ME BY PARTICIPATING IN THE POLL (UP TOP ON THE RIGHT.)
THANK YOU!

AAARRRRGGGGH!

WHILE it is true that YumYum bears a striking resemblence to Johnny Depp in this photograph, be not deceived: It is one of the illusions pulled straight from the dubloon-bag of YumYum's arsenal of wooing! Mom is contacting "a person of note" to have YumYum's hat re-sized, because the sparkle in his eye can be seen (when not hidden by hat) Across the Pond straight into FairyLand!

During an exclusive interview last year, Johnny Depp revealed for the first time, that if he was a guinea pig, he would be YumYum! Personally, we still love him from "Benny and Joon" and would walk 10,000 miles to see it again!

Thank goodness for NETFLIX!

Millicent Beatrice

Millie Bea, so your mom has been out shopping for you, buying you even more snuggly cuddle cups and tunnels and flowers and now we see you are wearing a CROWN with DOVES? Could you be in love?

Either way, what a lovely life you have now with your mom who rescued you and has completely spoiled you
(WAY TO GO, MILLIE BEA, YOU GOT HER RIGHT WHERE WE WANTS 'EM, EH?)
and we just wanted to pop by for a spot of tea but mom says we gonna have a storm so she taking her 4-wheeled walker to get us plenty of good salad treats and piggie-spoiling items sure to please, even if we are all stuck inside.

When are we NOT stuck inside?

Have we ever been OUTSIDE?

That the beauty of brain-damage! Mom ain't got NO idea what she doing, thinks we roam free through
sumptuous hay-flower gardens surrounding her majestic summer villa in Italy, so she endeavors ceaselessy to make up for our "winter incarceration" overcompensating us with GuineaSpoiling!
We are so NOT taking advantage of her disAbilities, we are mere exploiting them and can't wait to see what she brings home! It's a fine art we have refined, the exploitation of Mom's Confoozion.

Milicent Beatrice...you look quite fetching -

"YUM-YUM, GIVE IT A REST!" shouts the herd, rolling their eyes, tossing hay bales into the sky!

The herd is merely jealous...ta-ta and please keep this between us as my little Fairy mustn't see this.
Nor you see her. Or -

"YUM-YUM, YOU SHAMELESS DON JUAN DE MARCO, GIVE IT A REST!"



Only 50 Miles East o'Here...EDEN!

WHO KNOWS WHERE WE HID MOM'S SNOWSHOES LAST YEAR?

No, we did not nibble them.


Or taste, chew, slice, dice, explore, pee, poo, or in any way - 


WHO KNOWS WHERE WE HID MOM'S SNOWSHOES LAST YEAR?

WINTER BECKONS: MOM, COME OUT AND PLAY!

Remember when we used to live at the Audubon Wildlife Refuge? We do, too...and our view was a little like this. Now our view is different. We see Adagio Cafe's sign turning, turning, turning...which is not so bad...

Still. Mom remembers how loverly it felt when snow blanketed hilltops and EVERY PLACE, even the San Juan Islands,  promising stillness of all city sound:only the honking of Canada geese, the cry of the bald eagles bringing branches over the pond to bolster their nest, and - one special year -when wild swans flew in during a two-week snowstorm and mom would ski to them, listening in on their pre-dawn and dusk gab-fests...for although geese honk, swans are different. They conversate and gather together to gossip about the swans on the other side of the lake, and each offers his or her opinions on how well the eagles are keeping up their nest, the color of the sky, the crispness of the air, and whether or not they really will fly farther south once the two-week blizzard has blown through. Swans actually talk in a language mom found captivating. And she was able to ski real close to them...almost into them! But we're pretty sure we've already told THAT story...

Do we still miss our old home?

Every day.

Are we grateful for where we live now? Bathed in light, only a block from the best lattes in town? Within walker-distance of everything from the Post Office to the Art Gallery? A cheery smile from every merchant? Knowing that Avellino's vegan, gluten-free baker will save mom's faves until she gets there on weekends?

Every day.

Does mom need to get out of bed and savor life by embracing the impending snowstorm by finding flashlights, radios, batteries, cold-weather boots, and the accouterments that accompany power outages?

Every day. Although right now would be good, too.She only has one more sick day left before the storm...think she better get on with it!

YUM-YUM CAN'T HANDLE THE TRUTH!

Before you read YumYum's pathetic attempt to impress his new-found soul-mate from Across the Pond, let me, CocoNutPie, FOR THE RECORD, demonstrate the "HAY TOSS" that stunned the world! WHY?

YumYum pretended mom lost this photograph.
Pathetic. No wonder he's been a bachelor so long! Well, remember the "Thrilla in Manila?" (Yes, we were saddened by the recent passing of Smokin' Joe Frazier...though Ali showing up for his funeral demonstrated a depth of compassion often hidden behind the raw, brutality of boxing...but, I digress.) No, I don't! This here girl about to demonstrate RIGHTEOUS mini-hay-bale tossing!
YES!
THIS IS REALLY ME IN OUR NEW GuineaElfVillage Coliseum SHAKE-N-IT!
What you are about to read...just propaganda from a love-sick boy whose heart cannot bear separation from his precious Fairy...perhaps even I can show some compassion for that...just pretend you didn't see the truth, declare him the winner, and let him be macho. Something tells me his darling Fairy is

way too refined to be impressed. I already consider her as close to me as my sister-in-law...awwww. Fairy, I can be sweet and lovable, when not competing.

Love You, Fairy, so just pretend YumYum won...and love him just the way he is.

Truth is, we all love YOU!

THE GREAT "HAY TOSS" OF 2011!

Hey, Mac, mom's sick today so we can kinda do whatever we want! How's about I spring you and Coconut from your cage to play with me in our new GuineaElfVillage? She's sleeping? FINE!

"COCONUT PIE, I CHALLENGE YOU TO A HAY TOSSING CONTEST TO BE HELD IN OUR NEW WINTER-SNOW HUT, WE CAN USE IT AS OUR OLYMPIC ARENA! WHAT SAY THEE? OH, WHO CARES! JUST TO IMPRESS MY PRECIOUS FAIRY, I SHALL GO AHEAD AND TOSS THE MINI-HAY BALE AS IF WE WERE PLAYING SCOTTISH GAMES!

ERRRRrrrrr....MMMMMmmmmRRRRRrrrr......

                                "UMPH!"

Quite impressive, even if I say so myself...
wonder what my Fairy thinks???

MOM! I can't watch! Flying HAY? What's next? Birds with wings?

EXCUSE YOU, YUM-YUM, BUT DID YOU JUST CHALLENGE ME?

Because, if you think that just because I'm a girl, you can win...

Check out my Righteous DEW LAP! HA!

Calvin: "how come when mom sees her own dew lap in the mirror we hear - "

All in Unison: "CALVIN! Shhhhhhhh! Don't wake her up!"
(That was close!)

"Oh my, then, I'll just hide and be quiet...I can't watch and - besides - mom fell asleep with her hand under my dew lap..."

Calvin the Small, I feel your pain. But I have to look and cheer on CoconutPie for she will be returning to our Cozy Happy Home in good spirits if she wins. And you have NO idea what it's like around here when she gets hormonal and -

Herd in UNISON: "SSSSSHHHHHHHhhhhhhhhhhh!
Has living with mom taught you nothing?"

Since I won, Dear Fairy, may I be your Great American Hero?

Who said you won, YumYum? I'm just getting stretched out!

Maybe Calvin's right, and I shouldn't look, either...this could get -?

MMMMMMMMMMMRUMPHhhhhhhhhh!

I LOOKED, I LOOKED! NOW MY FACE IS STUCK!
BUT WE HAVE A WINNER...
BUT MY FACE IS STUCK.

Actually, that photograph resembled YumYum tossing hay more than Coconut pie. Why? Because mom wasn't well enough to hold the camera steady for the competition, then she couldn't find another photo of Coconut tossing her mini hay bale,
so - in the end - it was mom who cheated!

With her dew lap rocking to-and-fro.

You did not see that,
We were never here,
We deny any knowledge of dew-lappage
and will continue to deny any and all allegations of
speaking to the Press of mom's dew-lappages.
Unless we have a dew-lap-in-Judgement.
In which case we...SQUEEEEEEEEEEE!

thank you.

Our Prayer

Before mom signs off for possible sick leave, we wish to leave you all a gift from our spiritual teacher, Sant Rajinder Singh. When mom goes "horizontal" on us, she either has one of us in Calvin's blanket in bed with her (usually Calvin, talking and eating in his sleep) or she is meditating quietly...
Right now Calvin is in his special bed talking in his sleep and mom is counting the  many  blessings that keep us feeling loved, safe, and warm...including our new friends! Yet, concerned for the less fortunate amongst us - those abandoned, unwanted, orphaned brothers and sisters still waiting to find their Forever Homes with unconditional love armed only with HOPE in our humanity!

Love,
All of Us and that includes Fairy and Millie Bea and even the big whales in the sea...

SEE? SEE? SEE? WE KNEW IT ALL ALONG!

These photographs debunk a theory PROVING WITHOUT A DOUBT
that while Guinea Pigs matter, darkness does not! We are Messengers
of Light Matters: GLORIOUS, frivolous, lyrical, amusing, nocturnal, whimsical, humorous, green, orange, yellow, and PINK (for FAIRY!)

"Mu-ah-Ha-HAAAAAAAAAAAAH!" scientists: We knew it!

CAVIES RULE THE UNIVERSE!
 PLEASE READ ON FOR PROOF BEYOND A SCHMADOW

OF A DOUBT!

BBC News - Dwarf galaxies suggest dark matter theory may be wrong

BBC News - Dwarf galaxies suggest dark matter theory may be wrong

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^Read this and JUMP FOR JOY!^^^^^^^^^^

All the scientists ever had to do was ASK A DWARF!

Just one more reason to love Fairy: the BBC!

Our press so full of naysayers while the
British press full of truth-sayers! PLUS,
THEY BELIEVE IN DWARFS.
PIXIE-DUST.
FAIRIES.
FAIRY-DUST.
AND ELVES...
(oh, that might be Iceland...but it true!)


We are so relieved. All mom mumbles
about while cleaning our cages is the preponderence of "DARK MATTER" 

she finds. MutterNoMore,Mom! 

SING! DANCE! WEAR A HAT!


"MacNutPie, is mom SINGING really such a good idea?"


"no."


"Then we must find Elf Music while she gone,
for that is pleasant, whereas..."


INTERMISSION4INTERVENTION!
FIND ELF MUSIC BEFORE TONIGHT'S
CAGE CLEANING! SCURRY, NOW!


Dee-dee-dee-dum-dum-do-dee-do...


(We sincerely apologize to those who
have difficulty reading light blue letters,
especially our friend Ms. A: Please forgive
us. We used it to celebrate Light Matters, 
such as tea parties with vegan
crumpets, miniature, gluten free, 
white-bread cucumber sandwiches with the crust removed like mom had at Harrods 
a few light-years ago, with flavorful Chai Tea 
containing a few shots of esspresso, which mom
did not have at Harrods evah!)


Thank you for your forebearance in
all matters frivolous and sublime, for

who knows the difference, really?

WHAT SON? WHERE THE SON? WHOSE SON? WHADDA-WHADDA-WHADDA?

An InterGalacticEventOfUnequalledProportion occurring today and mom has left the building! Said, "Bye, PiggiePies, see ya's all later! Gotta find my son! They say it possible he making a public appearance today!"

Who? What? Where? Why? When? (That all mom learned in Journalism School, she forgot the rest.) Oh, and you can also ask "WHY?" Then they taught her how to write obituaries. What up wid DAT?! Said dat the first thing you learn. NASTY!

All we know is she been sick, it been stormy, today she up and gone on a search for the Prodigal Son we never knew we had...

And when she come back we get let out to play in GuineaElfVillage while she cleans our cages so she say not gonna be posting here for a few days because then gotta get ready for SNOW?!

WHEEEEEEK! WHEEEEEEEEEK!

Since mom from the Deep South, and they actually gots these things I about to say, we take her seriously when she say: "See Ya later, Alligator!" WHAT? WHO? WHEN? WHERE? WHY?

"Kinda like a GuineaSaur, but fear not, it is only an EsspressionO'Affection, my loves!"

Then she was gone.

Leaving us alone to ponder The Origins of Dark Matter and how "they" know It Exists If Nobody Seen It Ever. 'Specially dwarfs never saw it. And woe to that Russian spacecraft that blew it! Supposed to go to Mars but got homesick...they say it gonna come home and crash back to earth...Sometimes it hurts to think too much. Mebbe that why mom never do it anymore?

Meanwhile, Hooligan and Herd Chieftain YumYum of Unparallelled Don Juanery sneakin' online to see pictures of his new love, Fairy, and all her beds...trying to decide what his FAVE-O-FAVE...AS IF!

WELL, SO, LATER ALLIGATORS AND 'GATRESSES PLEASE NOTIFY US IF YOU SEE MOM'S SON.

THANK YOU!

A Secret Glimpse Inside GuineaElfVillage!

Last night, MacNut and CocoNutPies enjoyed their first romp in GuineaElfVillage exploring their new huts and tunnels outside the confines of their cages...It was a dark and stormy night, yet the comfort Coco and MacNutPies enjoyed in their soft, snowman Hut calmed us all down...the only thing missing was a warm mug of SoyNog with nutmeg sprinkles on top for mom!

It's really better than it sounds...

THANK YOU,  Benevolent Donor and Jen of Jens Custom Crafts for gifting us enough Cozy Huts, Tunnels, and Cuddle-Cups
to go all soft-focus and quiet-as-snow inside our new Winter Runabout dubbed: GuineaElfVillage!

We loves it sooo much that

Now mom wants one, too...

We will see that she gets her SoyNog and Tofurkey for Thanksgiving with cranberries, vegan pumpkin pie

and a big, yummy salad for us!

Anyone wishing to join us is encouraged to bring
their own tofurkey...they can be found roaming
about the same secret, hidden places in the 
Pacific Northwest
that Sasquatch calls home.

GOOD LUCK WITH THAT!