Dear Friends...

{Black Sheep Avatar in middle hand-drawn by Meme as we fomented "The Black Sheep Rebellion of C1"} we tell time by Clutch numbers, C1, C2...


Respected Readers,

You all remember our MOD friends, right? From Molly the Owl, when we watched her raise two clutches and stayed up all hours of the days and nights together...complete strangers from across the country - from across the WORLD - all becoming wacky friends in the wee hours of the night as we learned to negotiate TWITTER and USTREAM and social networking in general? And how we became closer than anyone has a right to be...and how we all either bought ourselves or were gifted flannel owlie pajamas from TARGET that one winter season and they couldn't figure out why THOSE PAJAMAS, of all the things you can buy at TARGET kept getting sold out? But it was because we had Molly Owlie Pajama parties and cyber-snacks and Molly Movie Night and Typonese when we got so sleepy we got too Stupis to even know where the owls were? On the screen or outside? (In this case, on the screen and INSIDE as Taj Mahal learned to IMITATE Molly scaring the #@! outta mom one night when she heard Molly NOT coming from INSIDE the laptop...) Until she did some research and discovered there are "pigs with benefits" who can actually chirp like birds but they are usually
female but not TAJ! AND WHO COULD FORGET THE GREAT BLACK SHEEP REBELLION?

Centered here is Meme's Black Sheep Avatar she drew herself. Around her, animals and an owl...and all of us...
who love her very much.

Wednesday, Meme, you will be in our prayers...and your mom will be taking care of you. We know it for sure.

We need you. We love you. And, Lord knows, not many people understands our mommy the way YOU do!
Takes a Southern woman to "get" a Southern woman! (Not in the Biblical sense, mind you...)

Meme, Angels Surround You. Light surrounds you. Please let us all hold you in our hearts until yours is fixed.
Same thing goes for Christine, Giz, and all you peeps in peril, pain, and heartache as many of us have lost loved ones this year and this is our first holiday season without them...HAND us the oars and let us row for you. And if you believe in God, we will hand Our oars over to Him or Her...we will all sit in the boat with you in Those Rough Waters...and Hold You as Our Very Own.

So don't EVEN THINK ABOUT MAKING US CRY OR WE WE WILL COME AFTER YOU ON our naughty MAGIC BROOMSTICKS!

row...
row...
row...
it really is easy.
you just say: row.

If We HAD Tails They Would Be Fairy Tales!

Since mom is still "with migraine" she let us watch one of our all-time favourite (note the proper British spelling, Fairy?) movies she got us from Netflix! We love Fairies, always have, always well, and elves, unicorns, and PIRATES! It means we can't watch "Peter Pan" due to a conflict-of-interest and we have to recuse ourselves but there are other movies featuring Fairies that do not contain Pirates, and vicey-versey, so except for Peter Pan we have a good thing going...although nothing prepared us for meeting a real CAVY FAIRY AND FALLING IN LOVE...nope! Never saw it coming. Just sooo glad it did!

Fairy, you and your mum and dad would love this movie. It has Houdini and Sir Arthur Conan Doyle and the Theosophical Society...and it's during WW1...and the stars are two little girls...and...we won't give it away since you'll never guess in a million years! Twelve toes up for this one, based on a True Story!

Pigs Lie - Guinea Pig Today

Pigs Lie - Guinea Pig Today

^^^^^ THIS ENTIRE
ARTICLE IS A LIE.
WE DON'T LIE, WE
DO SOMETHING
ELSE THAT DOESN'T
HAVE A NAME. BUT
IT ISN'T A LIE. AND 
DON'T LAUGH IF YOU
DO READ THIS BECAUSE
FALSE ACCUSATIONS ARE
NO LAUGHING MATTER.
(hee-hee.)

WHAT BATH? WHO NEEDS A BATH?

Dear Fairy...yes, I sent these photographs to you in an email. Still...


We thought it might help my case to post here and solicit opinions from the United Onion of SpaPig Aestheticians of America. If anyone sets trends in cavy couture and personal hygiene it's the UOSPA! (Thinking of it as
"YourOwnSpa" makes it easier to remember.)

So...HOW BEAUTIFUL IS THIS, I ask you

EuroSpaTopians? You also like my coronet?

Oh, now you're just making me BLUSH!
STOP THAT! (not really, keep gushing until Fairy has been tucked in and then I'll pay you in
carrots, spinach leaves, cucumbers, and crunchy, peeled fresh Washington honeycrisp apples) just keep it on the "down low" if ya know what I mean...shhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh...........

WHILE MOM IS TUCKED IN...WE SHOP!

We love mom and want to get her a special present for Chanukkah!
"Mebbe you could teach the world how to pronounce it then they would know how to pronounce her name, too?!"
"I'm just one humble guinea pig...not Moses! And I am nothing if not all about buying "stuff" lots of fun, fun STUFF!" We are spiritual pigs living in the material world and we LIKES IT!!!"

OMG! NO WAY!
COCONUT PIE, LOOK, COCONUT, LOOK,
LOOK EVERYBODY, COCONUT LOOK,
LOOK! LOOK! LOOK!

"IS IT FOOD?"

"Better than food: it's CocoNutPie, the Pie you can look at in this CALENDAR and all the money goes to help support guinea pigs! Better than food, it's -"
"Thanks, dear, you lost them at 'Better than food'...good try, though."
"Tough crowd to please, sorry."
"It's O.K. When mom feels better, she'll get me one...in fact, I think they gave her a free one thanks to me, but she's finally getting her "beauty rest" and Lord Have Mercy, we all know how good THAT is for EveryCavy!"

~WHEEEEEEEEK!~

You are all cordially invited to join us for our next installment of "How the Key Turns" which may feature a glimpse
into a certain
"Box o'FairyMagic!"
But ya didn't see it here, got that?
We ain't snitchin' cuz mom wants to surprise Fairy and her mum and her dad, the "shovel-man of Lincolnshire!"
We love our Cross The Pond friends,
so special Saturday night shout-out
to Fairy, her sisters, and her mum and dad and just so's ya know, Raj had finally agreed to the bath thingy...until he discovered that getting wet was involved.

Back to square one.

!

YO! Meet "LJ-CoolJ" Our New Jersey Santa!

Lil'LJ-Cool-J from New Jersey heah...yeah,

that's right, y'all, Conni-with-E's special weiner

here to invite you HERE WITH US to spend a Very Special Holiday here in New Jersey! 

YOU GET OUTTA HERE cuz seriously you're

ALL INVITED: Just bring my special

Santa Bag full of dog biscuits, Christmas treats, Chanukkah

treats, Kwaanza treats, New Year treats, and presents to stock

the stuffin' outta our stockin's ya know?

So, meet me: LJ, Count YumYum and the Pigulas'

East Coast familia...we do things a little different

around here, ya know? Like...if you even TRY TO EAT ONE SLICE OF AUTHENTIC NEW YORK ITALIAN PIZZA WITH A FORK LIKE DONALD TRUMP DID -

"WHAT, MOM? 

oh.

"Once upon a time there was a little girl who wanted a puppy..."

"BETTER, MOM? GOOD! WHEW, NEARLY BLEW IT, NOT USED TO BLOGGIN' AND..."

"Yeah, so they lived happily ever after with all their presents. Merry Christmas, Yo! Yo! Yo!"

love ya's baby,

YO! YO! HO!

"lil'LJ-Cool-J"


p.s. My ConniE-mOm mebbe don't KNOW about this invitation, so how 'bout keepin' it on the "down low" JUST SHOW UP WITH PIZZA! 

LOVE LETTER TO FAIRY: I WOULD DO THIS FOR YOU...

Dear Fairy,
FIRST THINGS FIRST...We are still laughing and watching the "Shovel Man" YouTube especially the part about the swing set! What a great Dad he would make!!! (Yes, we guessed he's yours, SO please stay away from the
swings!!!) LA-LA-LA, readers not "in the know" Fairy has her own YouTube
Channel and you must watch it! You will laugh and cry at the same time!
SECOND: IS THAT YOUR COTTAGE THE SHOVEL-MAN CAME OUT OF? IT LOOKS LIKE FAIRIES AND ELVES LIVE THERE!
NO WONDER YOU WANT ME TO COME LIVE WITH YOU...WE LOVED IT
AND THE ONLY PROBLEM is that you know my brother Raj acts all tough and
special and such a food-snitcher he is! But - when mum takes me for a comb-out and nail trim, he squeals like the CavyApocolypse has arrived because for all his
macho swagger, he misses me too much! So...we would all have to come to your beautiful thatched cottage which looked quite roomy to us!

HOWEVER, I wondered if you would allow me to demonstrate my love for you by fixing our place up,
first to wipe the "Please Enter, Fairy" special owl rug.

So far, so good...FAIRY LOOK! A HALO ABOVE MY HEAD BECAUSE OUR MATCH WAS MADE IN HEAVEN!

Next...oH My, what a stretch to make sure no cobwebs
or anything on the ceiling. See how much I care, Fairy, leaving no detail unattended to? This is love in action.

The reason my door is so small is to keep out the riff-raff, if ya know what I mean (my brother, my brother, my brother, my brother.) But! I need to be able to carry you across the threshold, so some threshold widening is in order here...nom-nom-nom, not to mention that this type of Beaver work keeps my chomper teeth nice, short, trim and white! 
Just what the dentist ordered! My oral hygiene is second to none!

Yes, Fairy, this is just the outside and we still need a good paint job so mum said she'd paint a mural of your SecretFairyGarden inside and out, since she just sold a painting at the Gallery! You will feel so "at home!" here, so welcome and deeply loved, pampered...
Oh, Fairy!  Mum ORDERED me to stop lying as much as she does...NO ONE could do a better job of caring for you than your mum and her shovel-man. We look at your blog and your emails and your YouTubes NOT TO MENTION the "Magic Fairy Box" from Lincolnshire!
Then we look at OUR MUM...Squeeee! (help us)

OH FAIRY, PRECIOUS WONDER, look at me now! All disheveled, and now I do understand why a bath can be VITAL to CavyCourtship...
Unfortunately for me, right when I really do want one, mum is down with her migraine again because she had way too much fun at the Gallery last night! She saw a lot of friends she doesn't see in the summer because if they work at our Farmer's Market on Saturday they have to get ready on Friday and can't come but now that winter is upon us they did come and mum was quite the social butterfly in her swishy skirt and cowboy boots. She teaches us good manners by example, to wit: Rick, the owner, always tries to place her where she won't
"block the flow of traffic" sitting in her walker so she glares at him menacingly whenever he is near. (Isn't that what you are supposed to do? She says it IS!) At one point he was very close doing some last-minute touching up and pointed a pair of long, sharp scissors at her, to which she calmly replied: "You come near me with those and I will circumcise you so fast!" to which he came no closer in stunned SILENCE! (Not that statements like that have anything to do with her "Trouble" nick-name of course.)
But the MOST fun was the Irish drummer (there's always FAB MUSIC!) on the stage in front because Fairy, it turned out people there actually knew Irish dance and gathered 'round him hopping and foot-swiveling and going straight up into the air like
helicopters while he sang Irish songs to the beat of his own hand-made drum and it was SO MUCH FUN mum now has a migraine but it's a HAPPY HEADACHE!


Fairy, I just wanted an opportunity to demonstrate how handy I could be around OUR house, although it does appear that I need a bath, yet while mum nurses her headache (and cannot bathe me, Wahhh...) the rest of us will continue watching your YouTubes over and over! They are fairy-funny and once mum's headache surrenders, she promised to help me respond to your emails because I can hardly wait!!!
Sincerely,
Mr. HandyPig

WELCOME TO THE POST PAGE WHERE NOTHING MAKES SENSE...JUST SO YOU KNOW IT ISN'T YOU!

Sometimes when mom doesn't have the energy to do all the work necessary to tuck us in she posts a lot of jibberish as if that will magically clean our cages, offer Bedtime Runabouts so we can sleep, refill our food bowls, wash and refill our water bottles, spot clean wet spots on our cages, replace wet or soiled cuddle cups, sleeping bags, and tunnels with dry ones, snuggle with us, and fill our hay bins to overflowing...going to bed is the commencement of a tremendous amount of work when mom is actually most exhausted because if she does it earlier we wheek all night for re-fills on what we already ate that was designated specifically to sustain us through the long, dark nights of Winter.

So, mom just lies down and blogs crazy jibberish.

Yeah, THAT'S GONNA do it for us...now she has run out of "Crazy" and needs to go to bed for Art Friday, so let the "tucking in" COMMENCE!

GODSPEED, MOM, we know you're exhausted and don't feel well.
We feel your pain. Seriously. No, that is not laughter you here
in the background...please, it's so easy, just
FEED US NOW!
Thank you.

"As The Second Key Turns..."

Not one to be upstaged by a herd-mate,
YumYum has been sending Secret Messages to Millie Bea
asking her to please:
1. Forgive him for ever letting her find out he was going for a two-for-one deal on CavyGirls
EDITOR: RE-WRITE, RE-WRITE, RE-WRITE!
1. (Take Two) Forgive him for ever considering anyone but her, ever, for which he has repented and now attends a daily Twelve Step-group for Cavy Infidels.
EDITOR: YUM-YUM, AN INFIDEL YOU MAY BE, BUT THE TWELVE-STEP PROGRAM YOU IN IS FOR INFIDELITY!
2. Humbled by his wrong-doing, Yum-Yum is now ready to send his lovely Millie Bea a garland of pomegranates as a love-display
EDITOR: YUM-YUM, THERE ARE MANY TYPES OF GARLANDS THAT CONVEY CONTRITION AND LOVE, BUT DON'T YOU THINK THE POMEGRANATE ONE IS BEST WORN ON A GORILLA? OF COURSE YOU ONLY KNOW THEM AS TASTY MORSELS BUT, TRUST ME, SHE WOULD FIND A GARLAND OF CHOPPED YELLOW, RED, AND GREEN PEPPERS FAR MORE ROMANTIC...
3. Yum-Yum expresses contrition, regret, lamentation (of Biblical proportion) anguish, heartbreak, guilt, remorse,
self-condemnation, self-reproach, apologetic, penitent, ashamed, rueful, shamefaced, self-effacing, supplicating, conciliatory, and grievous pangs of hunger NO, NOT THAT, ummmm, we're talking about my man-feelings, well, everything up there, MillieBea, look, I'm a swaggering Buccaneer, Pirate, Untamed Wild-Pig on the lookout for an untamed SHREW to call my Very Own and You clearly fit the bill...

Millie Bea, will you be mine?

Say you'll be mine...

(Before Raj steals the show with Fairy!)
Thank you.

YumYum, le terrible
AND PROUD OF -

"As The Key Turns: Wedding Planner Stunned by Phase!"

As we last left you, we were still negotiating Raj's personal hygiene habits...meanwhile, CocoNutPie, our only femme fatale, both nominated and voted herself in as official "wedding planner" quite ambitiously, considering the condition of Raj's bum today...

But you know how Femme-Fattles are, always surprising with their fattle-wiles! CocoNutPie is under the impression that "wedding fascinators" are a foreign delicacy savored at Royal Cavy Weddings
and...i'm sorry...can't rat out me wife, mates...

MacNutPie, you can really be a wuss, no offense, when it comes to popcorning on eggshells with your wife! So, here's the scoop, mum loved the original "Star Trek" series as a child and had a crush on Captain Kirk and CoconutPie feels deprived as a child since she never had a CavyBarbie doll, so...

Ah, you've ALL MUDDLED UP THE STORY! LISTEN, I AM AND HAVE ALWAYS BEEN THE OFFICIAL BLOGSTER HERE, YA, YUM-YUM, THAT'S RIGHT, SO HERE'S HOW IT WENT DOWN WHILE MOM WAS (NOT) AT THE PRINTER.
WHY SHOULD SHE BE? THE BIG HOLIDAY ART EXTRAVAGANZA ISN'T UNTIL TOMORROW!!!!
WHY BE PREPARED?

Where was I? Coconut Pie swiped mom's credit card to order a few hundred of her favorite British Fascinator Barbies as "party favors" to go 'round the Royal Wedding Cake when mom noticed that her credit card was missing and started whining. Little Calvin, darlin' that he is, snitched to mom but - knowing she loved Captain Kirk so much as a wee mom that she would wait until both her own
parents were asleep before sneaking stealthily into the den to secretly watch "Star Trek" because it was on WAY
PAST wee-mom's bedtime -

Taj Mahal here to wrap it all up in a bun for ya, since this co-operative blogging reads less tasty than our own cophrogenic poos > mom got the crew of the Starship Enterprise (circa 1960's) to phaser anyone who went near a fascinator Barbie and offered a reward to whomever amongst us found her credit card! Of course it'twas Calvin...AND! SQUEEEEE!!!!! We have- for a second time-DOUBLE- SQUEE!! !become the fortunate recipients of yet another GENEROUS- SURPRISE Sanctuary Donation, Calvin used his reward to order two new tunnels and a hut ALL HIS VERY OWN! Although, generous lil'Precious that he is, we know Calvin will share his sleep- tunnels with us AND Auntie Jen promised to use her custom Princess Bea Fascinator fabric! Which leads us to wonder? (and lie: We took Jen's fame in vain...)

Pip-pip if any of this made sense to you...please see an aesthetician immediately!

 

Don't even THINK ABOUT IT!

Princess Beatrice Intervenes

Raj, darling, it's me, Bea...not Millie Bea, silly, PRINCESS BEA OF Millinery Fame!
Darling, I've seen my share of bad bums, believe me, with these hats, I attract them!
Which places me in a particularly special position to help you get your lady, particularly since she's from This Side of The Pond...Look, let's have tea and cucumber sandwiches
on Friday at 4...say, Harrod's? NOBODY will see us there! Don't give up on Fairy
yet just because of you're an American PiratePig:  Even Fairy Princesses want their mates viral, strong, handsome, charming, lovely in that manly, bad-boy way, we just have to
refine a few details is all, so is it a date then, darling? Shall I see you then?
What? Have Harrots shave the cucumber, don't you care for the skin?
Well, THAT'S OUR FIRST CLUE THEN, NOT CARING FOR THE SKIN.
Until Friday, Ta-Ta, Pip-Pip, off you go now...
(OMG! HOPE THE TABLOIDS DON'T GET WIND OF THIS.)

The Village Playground - YouTube

The Village Playground - YouTube
^^^WARNING: SPEW ALERT HIGH!
We already guessed who the Shovel
man of Appleby was before Fairy leaked

his secret identity, and I, Raj, shall appeal to him for a Shovel'Ntervention

since I am not a GrovelingPig, no, not
at all: don't hate me because I'm beautiful.


What is a bath, actually? Even mom -


"Raj, sweetie, whatcha doin' hon?"


"BLOODY OWL HORK! Now I must tell a fib and it comes so UNnaturally
to me: Nothing, mom, just um, not much, sitting idly, inactive, inert, motionless, unoccupied, gathering
dust, to tell you the truth!"


"Awww, Sweetie, see now THAT'S REALLY NICE, using those unwashed tailfeathers of yours as a duster so I can get more rest...you're the Best Pig Ever!"


"Thanks, mom, you know we do all we can to help YOU OUT around here."


"And that is why I love you. Back to
my nap, before you know it 'twill be
First Friday ART GALLERY HOLIDAY EXTRAVAGANZA and 
Lord knows I need my beauty rest..."


"Mom, is your art ready then? Ahead of time? Have you practiced that "art of preparedness, the most practical of all the practices of Art?"


ZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.................